THE CUT

when he holds her hand, he holds it tight

10

RAFE

Since having sex with Y/n, she's been stuck on Rafe's mind like superglue. Now, he thinks about her all the time. And when he does, he gets giddy in a way that he never has before. Normally, Rafe flirts with a girl, hooks up with her at a party, and moves on. That's been fine. It's worked for him his entire life.

But now, Rafe finds himself thinking about Y/n when he's lifting weights at the Country Club. He wonders what she's doing while Topper rattles off about something incongruous with Rafe's care. He checks his phone to see if she's texted him. When he sees her name on his screen, something inside him lights up.

All this time, Rafe has been fighting against a constant current, and for once, the waves have finally brought him something worth it all. He's desperate not to lose it—her.

It's still new. When he holds her hand, he holds it tight. And when he thinks of her slipping away like everything else, he holds her even tighter, wraps his arm around her waist, and kisses her temple. He doesn't want her to see him hurt. It fills him with panic each time she learns more about Ward. One day, she might realize that Ward is right about Rafe.

At the same time, Rafe feels protective of Y/n. Like she's something sacred. That's what she feels like, anyway. Something so special, so rare, he wonders why the hell he's been given this gift. When he thinks about something happening to her, her getting hurt the way Ward hurts Rafe or any of Sarah's Pogue friends running up on her like at the boat party, and then at the outdoor movie, he feels like he's drowning in a dream, and he can't stop it.

She doesn't know the effect she has on Rafe. That's probably a good thing. He'd probably scare her away if she knew how crazy he was for her.

Rafe feels even more protective over Y/n whenever Ward asks him where he's been and what he's been doing. He imagines Ward finding out about her, how good she is to Rafe, and trying to stop it. Rafe could handle the punishment, no matter how bad it may be. He couldn't, however, handle even the idea of Y/n getting hurt. It haunts him at night and steals his sleep. He gets up, digs the coke out of the back of his drawer, and does a couple of lines. He's lost a lot of sleep.

The only person who knows anything is going on is Topper, and that's only because he caught a text from Y/n on Rafe's phone one day. They were hanging out together at Topper's. Rafe had left his phone face-up on the table and was packing a bowl when it lit up.

Topper read the text, quietly, then snorted and said to Rafe, "You fucking her?"

Rafe was like a geyser, ready to burst.

"Don't fucking say that."

Topper's smile widened. "So you are fucking her."

Rafe smacked the bowl right off the table, startling Topper. He poked a shaky finger in his best friend's face and said, "Shut the fuck up. You don't talk about her that way. Not to me."

Topper's blue eyes had never been so round. He was like a mouse, shrinking, shrinking.

Rafe sat back down in his seat, all shaky and jittery like he'd been flying down U.S. 64 and the car crashed and splintered into pieces.

The rest of that evening, Topper kept his mouth shut, and Rafe kept picturing Y/n in horrible, graphic situations.