THE CUT

we're a good fit for each other, even if nobody else gets it

21

I'm reading in the den at home when my mother shouts my name down the hall. I set my book aside and follow her voice to the front door. Rafe is there with slumped shoulders but still towering over my mother. She looks worried.

"Rafe?" I hurry towards him. "What's going on?"

His breath is heavy and shallow. When he steps inside, I see it and gasp. There's a deep bruise on his face, right against his cheekbone like a dark blush.

"Oh my God." I reach up and tentatively brush my fingertips over it. I barely touch it, but Rafe flinches. "I'm sorry."

My mother has disappeared. I didn't even notice her heels click down the hall. I wrap my arms around Rafe's neck. He's so tall, that he has to dip downwards, and I have to roll onto my toes. But I hold him like that for a while.

"Here." I have him follow me into the kitchen and pull a chair out for him to sit. I can tell from the look on his face that he feels guilty. I grab an icepack and wrap it in a paper towel.

"What is that?" His voice is so quiet, it's basically a whisper.

"To make the swelling go down. Here." I gently hold it against his face, and he takes it. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

He looks like an abandoned puppy. My heart sinks. "Bathroom. I have to get something." I'm only in the bathroom for a moment where we keep all of the medication for headaches, sore throats, and itch relief. I grab a couple of Benadryls then stride back into the kitchen and pour Rafe a glass of water. "Here, take these."

"Why?" He picks them from the palm of my shaking hand.

"To ease the pain," I say. "Does it hurt?"

"It's fine." He pops the pills in his mouth and throws them back.

"Rafe. It's not fine. This shouldn't happen to you."

"I didn't listen. He told me he'd kick me out if he found them again."

"Did he?"

He doesn't answer. He doesn't look at me.

"I regret it." My voice cracks. "I gave up on you too soon. I was angry, and I felt shut out and--"

"I shut you out to keep you away from this shit," Rafe says.

"Why?"

"Because you don't deserve it." He wraps his hand around my wrist.

"Rafe. I care about you. I want to be there. I wanna know about it."

"You want me over JJ?"

I nod.

He lets out a heavy breath. Then he pulls me down by the back of my head and kisses my forehead.

***

I have Rafe rest in my bed upstairs. When dinner is ready, my mother asks if I should have him come down. I go up to ask him if he's hungry, but he's fast asleep. I don't want to wake him, so I eat with just my parents. I tell them to leave the food out in case Rafe gets hungry later.

We're all quiet as we enjoy the meal. My mother lifts her flute of champagne and takes a tight-lipped sip. Her red lips don't smudge one bit.

I clear my throat. "I was thinking," I say, with a thrashing heart, "that Rafe stays here for a little."

My mother immediately looks to my father, who cuts into his steak like he didn't hear a word I said.

"Mom? Dad?"