ACOTAR Oneshots

Losing Your Memories (part 3)

My body hovers in a darkness that feels like it's between two worlds. Wind rasps at my hair, and I squeeze Tamlin's hand, afraid it might blow me away from him. When the pitch blackness is quickly replaced by a blinding light, my eyes burn, and I struggle to hold on to my whirling stomach.

Tamlin told me about winnowing awhile back, but I didn't know it would feel like this. I don't wish to do it again for a long time.

When my stomach finally settles and my eyes fully adjust to the light, I take a good look at the beautiful manor around me. My breath rushes out in a grateful sigh. "I never thought I'd see it again," I whisper, as I fight the tears begging to drop out of my eyes. "Home." It's just as beautiful as I remember. The flowers are in bloom, the hedges cut perfectly, and birds are chirping all around me.

I only see two people outside right now, a servant tending to the garden and someone who appears to be a nobleman taking a stroll by the pond.

"Are you okay?" Tamlin asks from my side. I open my mouth to automatically say yes, but after everything, I don't know if that's true.

Tamlin says softly, "I remember when we first got back. It was surreal. After being so convinced I would never see this place again, standing in front of it seemed like a dream. But mostly, it just left me wondering what the hell I was supposed to do now. After dealing with Amarantha's reign for fifty years, what would my new worries be? Would I ever be separated from my home again?"

His words are like the anchor I need to not fall apart. I understand exactly what he's saying. The last thing I remember was having just hours left before my last trial that I assumed would lead to my death. And yes, I did technically die, but I'm here now. I'm standing outside my home that I've now been told isn't my home anymore. Next to my lover who is no longer my lover. I break my gaze from the beautiful scenery to look at Tamlin. He stares back at me with sympathy, and I don't stop him from squeezing my hand in comfort.

I really want to jump into his arms and bury my face in his neck. Or kiss him. For hours. And maybe do more. But I hold myself back. We haven't been together for six years. Would he turn me down if I laid myself bare in front of him? Is there a chance he still loves me, or just cares for me like an old friend? Is he only entertaining me here out of pity for losing my memories? That thought makes my stomach twist, so I push it to the back of my mind and turn forward to make my way back to the only place I want to be.

Tamlin and I are silent until we get inside. It's pretty quiet, but I can hear movement still. My ears pick up on things I know I wouldn't have been able to catch as a human. The sweep of the floor two rooms over, the footsteps of someone even farther away.

Even so, shouldn't there be more people here? I know there used to be high fae all over the manor, I just couldn't see them due to the glamour. "Where is everyone?" I finally ask.

Tamlin's face hold no answers itself. I have to wait until he says, "A lot of people left during the war."

I stop walking, and Tamlin does the same when he realized I'm no longer moving along next to him. "There was a war?!"

He nods his head downward slowly. "Yeah, I guess it's probably nice not to remember that." He says it as a joke, but I know I can hear the truth to his words. He wishes he could forget it too. I wonder how many people from his court were lost. Anyone he cares about?

"Who did you fight?" I ask.

"Hybern," he answers. "It's where Amarantha was from. She was a general. We fought many fae like her, plus the King. It was a brutal and bloody war. We came extremely close to losing if it wasn't for—" Tamlin looks to me but stops talking. "Never mind."