the love rectangle

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Three just texted me to say they are on their way.

i am busy tearing my room apart looking for a specific sweater. the sweater i am looking for is the one i used to wear to every audition, script reading and rehearsal. my agent spent many futile hours trying to convince me to wear something that would make me stand out until it became clear the sweater did make me stand out. the few times i showed up without it, people thought i wasn't actually interested in the role i was auditioning for. or if i had already been cast, i was immediately offered a day off. back when i was still active with acting, my lucky sweater had it's own chair right next to the director's chair. it was like my super suit.

i had offered it to One when he decided to venture back into the world of acting but the little shit said he didn't need it. however, him inviting Three to the set this morning is an indicator that he did need it so it is my responsibility to bring it. except i can't find it. my phone rings.

Four: hey Three.

Three: i'm here. you ready?

Four: not exactly.

Three: what did you lose?

how well they know me.

Four: i can't find my lucky sweater.

Three: crap. well you definitely need to be wearing it if we're going to the set.

Four: i know, i know. i've looked everywhere.

i hear a car door slam on the other end of the line.

Three: i'm coming up. i'll find it for you.

Four: thanks. you're the best.

Three is in my room less than two minutes later. we all have keys to each other's places; we did even before Three and One were living together.

Four: hey, i can't.......

i trail off as Three heads straight to my closet.

Four: i already looked in there.

Three: *yanks the door open and reaches down* but did you look on the floor? *tosses the lucky sweater in my direction over his shoulder, before closing the closet door and turning to face me*

Four: i swear it wasn't there five minutes ago. i did look.

Three: i know. but it always slips off it's hangar, remember?

well no i didn't but now i do. i shrug my shoulders into the sweater.

Four: let's get going. i don't want to miss it.

Three: don't the first few days usually run long?

Four: *pushing Three towards the door* i'm not taking any chances and we are definitely doing this. hurry up!

Three: don't forget to lock the door!

Four: done. race you to the car!

i sprint towards the back where Three always parks their car. Three hollers in pursuit, then refuses to unlock the passenger door until they are already in the vehicle.

Three: i win.

Four: you cheat.

there is a moment's pause.

Four: driver, why are you not driving.

Three: this is the right thing to do, right?

Four: you already know my answer to that.

Three: *closes their eyes* i can see the headlines now.

Four: *reaches over and puts sunglasses on Three's face* don't think about that. think about the way One is going to look at you when you show up on set.

Three: *smiles*

Four: you've got this. let's go.

Three: *puts the car in drive and sets off*

we need to get going before Three rethinks their decision or changes their mind. i know this is a big deal for them. i don't agree with how determined Three and One are to hide their relationship; i don't think it's healthy or a good idea in the long term. but at the same time, i can understand where they are coming from. the acting industry isn't always kind to real life couples getting in the way of popular ships. Three doesn't mention it but i'm glad Three and i were already best friends before they fell in love with One and that we were able to stay best friends after they began dating.

Three is very quiet. they love their solitude. they're confident in who they are now but the journey towards discovering themselves was not quick or easy. whenever people encounter someone who is gender nonconforming* they tend to demand an explanation. One is openly and obviously gay. Three is openly and obviously not gay, but also not not gay, without offering a specific alternative. the fact that they are together is automatically going to bring Three's gender identity, gender expression and sexual identity into question even though it's nobody's business.

people tend to prefer terms like gay that have a very straightforward definition. you say gay, people know what you mean. but if you say you are gender nonconforming, that doesn't answer the question. people tend to press for answers, becoming more and more aggressive about. i know because i've watched it happen to Three over and over again.

i can't believe they're actually doing this. the official story is, we're going to support One on his first day but i know they wouldn't be going without me. i almost texted One to give him a heads up, then decided to leave it as a surprise. it's a good surprise so he shouldn't be too thrown off by it. i hope.

*author's note: the official definition of gender nonconforming is as follows: denoting or relating to a person whose behavior or appearance does not to cultural and social expectations about what is appropriate to their gender. this is different from nonbinary in that nonbinary exists outside cultural and social expectations, whereas a gender nonconforming individual might still pass, present or identify as either mxle or femxle while not meeting the cultural and societal expectations of whichever gender they still pass, present or identify as. i chose the term gender nonconforming because i have found that there are certain stereotypes and expectations now associated with the terms nonbinary and androgynous and i am not writing this story to validate other people's assumptions or to have people argue over what my characters "really" are.