the love rectangle

deux

i don't know what to do with myself. One dashed off the set so quickly it is clear he doesn't want any company. i thought about going to the bathroom but he went to the bathroom so maybe i'll go for a walk. a ten minute walk. stretch my legs. try to think about anything other than One's face. i'm dreading and anticipating the moment One realizes this isn't an act - the blushing, the stuttering, the forgetting of my lines. an actor of his calibre isn't likely to be impressed with my mediocre performance, especially not once he finds out he is the reason for it. i grab a water bottle and head for the exit.

before i can leave, a man who looks vaugely familiar that i can't place saunters onto the set. there's no other way to describe it; his feet hardly leave the ground, yet he's propelling himself forward directly into a place no one but the cast and crew are supposed to be. why isn't anyone stopping him?

he comes to a halt right behind the director, who is leaning so close to the screen to rewatch the scene we just took he is oblivioius to all else, and pokes him. in the middle of his back. the director yelps and i choke on my mouthful of water. another guy i hadn't noticed before who must have entered with the first guy breaks into outright laughter as the director turns around in a fury. all anger drains from his face when he sees who touched him.

director: Four?!?!?

i choke on my water again, this time because i know exactly who is standing on our set now. Four. renowned actor, as famous as One himself...rumoured to be One's lover. they started from the bottom together in this industry and worked their way to the top, then Four made the unprecedented descision to retire at the height of his career. everybody wanted him, wanted to be him. he was offered dozens of roles and turned them all down for a chance to get out of the spotlight and follow his dream of owning a book store. when asked why he said he'd been waiting for a specific property to go on the market; the instant it did, he bought it and tapped out of acting. the only thing more admirable than his acting is his determination to go after what he wants, and who he wants, if the rumours are to be believed. i'd fantasized about meeting him after landing this role; of One introducing me, his real boyfriend, to Four, his ship boyfriend.

now, seeing Four in the flesh, i'm feeling intimidated and more than a little silly.

usually for ships to work and couples to become popular in the BL side of the acting industry, there has to be a fairly obvious contrast between two actors: one has to be loud and the other more quiet, one has to be super tall and the other short, one needs to be into working out and muscular while the other appears more frail. of course all of this is nonsense. relationships, especially queer ones, do not function the way straight people like to imagine they do. but the total-opposites-who-are-lovers fans are not to be gainsaid. they will resurface and they will ship the most unlikely people under the sun with one another. anything to avoid a "typical" pairing or relationship. being in this industry is walking a fine line between feeding into the public's delusions and trying to keep things real, while not losing ourselves in the process.

lines get blurry. fast.

the point i was making is, Four is drop-dead gorgeous. he's not simply handsome, nor is he only specific people's "type". he is everyone's type: male, female, mxle, femxle*, straight, queer, old, young, no matter who you are and what kind of life you lead, you are 99.9% likely to think Four is gorgeous. there's really no better way to describe him. his skin isn't particularly smoothed or unmarked but you'll still find poems dedicated to it. his voice isn't the deepest but it's pleasant to listen to, for speaking; there was an unsuccessful campaign for many years by fans to get him to sing, before One shut it down by saying he wanted to be the only person Four sang to. His hair and eyes are brown but there's this sparkle in his eyes, a charisma in the way his body moves that draws everyone in. despite being born in the city and coming from wealth, Four has the small town, boy-next-door type of charm. i'm not immune to said charms but i never fell for him the way everyone else does.