Chip 'n' Dale (Dan and Phil Fanfiction)

C2: Catteries Not Included

 PLEASE READ THE NOTES AT THE END ONCE YOU'VE READ THE CHAPTER. Author's note before we start: I'm so sorry it took me so long to write this! I went somewhere this weekend but I should be able to update more frequently now. Except most Wednesdays. Also, if you were wondering where the weirdness of this chapter came from........ My dog did something that inspired it. Don't ask. So yeah, this chapter should let you know more about how my characters are! Woo!

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(The next day)

Phil woke up the next day to an vacant space next to him in the cold bed. He frowned, then threw the covers back and stood up, shaking away the sleep. He slowly walked into the bathroom and put in his contacts so that he could see. He didn't bother changing into clothes, heading into the kitchen, where he saw his roommate. He suddenly stopped.

"Why is it that it's 8:47 and we're still here? You usually wake me up for work around 6."

Dan took out one headphone and looked up from his computer, raising his eyebrows in question. Phil sighed.

"Never mind."

He walked to the pantry and opened it, staring blankly until he grabbed Dan's cereal and making a bowl.

"They saw that man in the parking lot and decided that it wouldn't be safe to let any of the people in this building, including us, into the parks until they've deemed us 'not the dealer'." Dan sighed. "So, we're stuck here all day."

Phil looked down, smelling something strange. He knelt to the ground.

"Phil, stop smellin' the dishwasher." Dan said.

Phil shot him a look, but nonetheless stood back up and gabbed a spoon to eat his (Dan's) cereal.

"What's in there?" he asked.

"Plates? Spoons? Forks? Knives? Cups? Bowls? The usual."

Oh.

Three hours and you could find the two laying spread out across the couch, watching Black Butler.

"I feel like all we do is watch anime."

"Yeah, well."

Three more hours passed and the had started season one of Supernatural.

"Dude, Dean is hot."

"Dude, no, Sam is hot."

Three hours later and- oh who am I kidding. They were still watching TV, okay? 

"Have you ever thought about Mr. Kjellberg's personality? I mean... really thought about it?" Phil asked, staring up at the ceiling fan.

"Yeah man, I think he has serious problems. The guy enjoys talking about old cowboy movies and he believes that aliens are his real birth parents. He has that weird tie that he wears with almost every outfit and he thinks I'm secretly a woman. Weird." Dan answered.

"That wasn't really stating his personality traits, that was stating facts."

Dan decided to ignore his comment and continued to talk about the people they knew.

"Chris is also kinda strange.... He's obsessed with superheroes and thinks he's gonna marry Black Widow. He's convinced that he's actually Captain America.... And he hates Mean Girls. He can't be right in the head."

Phil chuckled.

"Luke is also kinda strange. He sometimes spends hours on his hair and he's freakishly tall for someone his age-" Phil cut him off.  

"You know that you're just a few years older than him right?"

"..."

It was time to stop talking about other people.

'Maybe we should kiss... just to break the tension....' 

WHOA. Phil's brain had no right to be throwing things like that at him. No right. They spend one night together, and suddenly he likes Dan? He wants to kiss him? No. Not happening. You know what they call Dan, "No-Homo-Howell." Therefore they can't be together. End of story.

"Hey man, wanna watch Titanic?" Dan suddenly questioned. 

Okay, maybe he wasn't completely straight.

Phil wasn't.

But Dan didn't need to know.

Yet.

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Halfway through Titanic, Phil remembered that the dishwasher was running earlier, and got up to check on it. 

He half jogged into the kitchen, leaving a curious Dan on the couch.

He opened it, the steam fogging the kitchen.

When he saw what was inside, he screamed.

"DAN! YOU WASHED MY STUFF CAT????"

Well, crap.

"YOU DO REALIZE THAT WE HAVE A WASHING MACHINE, RIGHT? THAT'S HOW YOU WASH THEM."

Dan sheepishly walked into the kitchen to face a very angry Phil.

"Sorry?"

"You better be!" Phil exclaimed, having pulled the stuffed toy from the dishwasher and now cradling it in his arms. "Poor thing is probably so afraid right now. She's probably exhausted right now."

Dan cracked a smile.

"Well, Catteries aren't included."

Here lie Dan and Phil, having died from horrible puns.

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Dan had to find a way to make it up to Phil so he told him to wait at home and wait until he got back.

It took a little while before Dan got home, leaving Phil worried.

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(Somewhere, that day.)

"Hey man, you got what I wanted?"

"Yeah, and listen, I can't bring this to you in the day again. I'm not even supposed to be anywhere near the parks."

"Sorry, man, but you know how it is."

"No, I don't. I sell the drugs, I don't take them." 

"Yeah, man, whatever." The man speaking threw a couple twenties at the dealer. In exchange, the dealer threw him a bag of coke.

"Yeah. Whatever."

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(Chris and Luke's apartment)

"I can't believe we didn't think of selling crack to make a little more money." Chris pointed out.

Luke looked nervous.

"Me neither."

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"Phil! I'm home!"

The mentioned boy walked into the hall where Dan was, eyeing the Target bag in his hand.

"What took you so long?"

"Had to go to  couple of stores. Not everyone carries Pokemon Monopoly."

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Author's note: I own Pokemon monopoly and it's honestly the best thing ever. Sorry this chapter is kind of short, I didn't really know what to put in it. Leave me a comment and let me know what you think of this drug dealer and what you want to see happen!