Operation Heart

The Letter

Olivia entered her apartment around ten pm after dropping Fin off at home, and Elliot off back at work. Kathleen had agreed to watch Olivia's son Noah while Olivia went to go talk to Cragen, and then around eight o'clock, she had texted Olivia and offered to keep Noah for the night. She kicked off her shoes before dialing Kathleen's oh so familiar number, raising the phone to her ear. Kathleen answered on the first ring. "I take it you just got home," Kathleen said when she heard Olivia sit down her keys in the dish by the front door.

She sighed, sometimes hating how much Kathleen was like Elliot. "I just wanted to check on if you guys had fun and stuff." She was trying to sound nonchalant, but she always worried when she spent the night away from her son.

"We snorted lines of cocaine, and then body shots," Kathleen replied sarcastically. "Come on, Liv, I've been babysitting for you for how many years now? We ate hotdogs, mac & cheese, shells, not elbows, and then we baked some cookies and watched Hamilton, again. Now he's asleep in my guest room."

Olivia rolled her eyes at the start of Kathleen's statement. She put the younger woman on speaker while she took her jacket off and started to pour herself a glass of wine. "Thank you again, Katie. I know things are rocky right now, but I don't think you understand how much you mean to me, or how grateful I am that you take such good care of my boy."

"Noah is a sweetheart, and I love spending time with him. By the way, he and I are going out for breakfast tomorrow morning, if you want to join us. If not, I completely understand, but I wanted to at least extend the invitation."

"I would never say no to a breakfast date with my two favorite kids, and before you say anything, yes, I know that you are no longer a kid, Katie. Also, please don't mention to your dad that Noah is my son. Elliot and I haven't really talked about our personal lives since he became unzombified." Kathleen snorted, and then covered her mouth, not wanting to wake Noah.

"You're never going to give up the zombie puns now, are you?"

"No, I am not. Get some sleep, Katie. And text me the time and place for breakfast tomorrow. Love you." Kathleen echoed the last statement before the call was disconnected. Olivia set her glass of wine on her kitchen counter and then went over to pick up her jacket to hang it in the closet, but the envelope fell out. She crouched and picked it up, feeling a slight wave of anxiety wash over as she thought about what Elliot possibly could have written in that letter to try and explain himself. After finally hanging the jacket up she sat down at the counter, shifting the envelope from hand to hand when her phone buzzed.

Fin: "Put the envelope down and get some sleep, Liv. You've barely slept in THREE MONTHS."

Olivia: "How did you know I had the envelope in my hand right when you sent that text?"

Fin: "I know you, Liv. The envelope will still be there tomorrow. And you will still be pissed at Elliot tomorrow."

Olivia: "Fine, but take your own advice too. Get some sleep."

Olivia placed the envelope back on the counter, drank her wine, and then went to bed for the night, excited to see her son tomorrow, and also slightly apprehensive, though she brushed it off as missing her son.

Olivia woke up from a nightmare drenched in sweat, sobbing, and gasping for air. There were tiny slivers of light creeping through her bedroom curtains. As she finally caught her breath, she looked at the clock, 6:27 am. She remembered small glimpses of her dream this time. The feel of Elliot's blood seeping through his shirt into her hands, the strangled sounds she made as she begged him to keep his eyes open until the paramedics arrived. She remembered Munch, Fin, and her dad each trying to pull her off him to let someone else try to stop the bleeding, but she wouldn't listen. Elliot had been so pale that she was sure he was dead. It turned out grief and survivors guilt didn't go away just because he didn't really die.