my 3 a.m. thoughts

i killed a part of me to keep you going

i sacrificed my essence, unaware that you couldn't be mended.

i watched you helplessly, tear stains on my face, and lipstick stains on your lips , i wish they were mine

 i couldn't do nothing but just watch while your demons consumed you, my sacrifices in vain.

there you were with another girl, another place, and a different time, 

but you, were still as broken as ever, 

you'd play those tricks, make her fall for you and leave her,

just like you did with me.

Now, I stand here, broken and bruised, picking up the shards of my shattered heart.

 I mourn the loss of what could have been, the illusion of a love that never existed.

you come over again, give me hopes,

then, you scratch the leftover shards of my heart, leave me bleeding while all i did was try to save you.

i just wish i could go back to time, and choose to save myself instead this time.

because, i realised it wasn't your demon that refused to go, it was you who held on to it tight.