𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞

𝐕

𝐂𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐓𝐨𝐰𝐧, 𝐓𝐮𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐚𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐬 | 𝐀𝐮𝐠. 𝟐𝟔𝐭𝐡

𝟓:𝟑𝟎 𝐚𝐦

Lord, he's trying.

I can see that.

I see the change. When I look in his eyes, I see someone that I've never met before. I see genuineness.

I see pure intent.

But when my eyes wander farther, reading him deeper, I see his past. It makes me wonder. What ifs are the questions I ask.

What if he's not changed? And what if this is only a trap like it was before?

And when my mind starts to race, Why? is the question I ask.

Why I am so deeply in love with him? Why are our souls still so close knitted, despite our departure? However, for these I may have an answer.

Flashbacks roam my mind, those of how he used to make me feel; how my stomach caved at his touch; how my bits would leak as he showed his appreciation to my body.

When I look at him as a whole, I see a well-groomed, smooth young man. But, behind his eyes stands pain and trauma, much like myself.

When I think of the "old" him, I think of immaturity. But how can he maturely handle his feelings if this was something that was never brought up to him?

I don't make excuses for him, but I feel for him.

When he speaks, it is clear that his lessons have been learned. But Sin lies. "What if?" is the question I ask again. What if I give him a chance only to be lied to? Or what if we could live happily ever after like an old fairytale?

But our differences; their irreconcilable. Why would we build our relationship off of obligations, only to keep each other? That's not happiness.

Why do I even waste my time doing this now? If I know that It'll never work. Why do I sit and overthink about the impossible?

Sin wants children, I do not. I want marriage, he doesn't care to have that. These are not small compromises, but life changing.

Why have a husband who does not want that title? Why want or have children that you know you won't be attached to? Or even be able to give birth to.