Made For Me

Chapter 12

"Come let's listen." Asuman urges, pulling me to the library. 

"What?! No I can't hear this. It's private." I try to stop her as he guides me. Despite my reluctance, she leads me to a nearby room, which turns out to be an office. "Allow me to show you a little secret that Deniz shared with me. If you move this book, there's a small hole here where we can discreetly listen in," she whispers conspiratorially. I let out a resigned sigh, on the verge of walking away, when I hear Pelin's voice. "Ferit, I need you to understand that I never cheated on you. I never slept with Hakan. Yes, it took me two years to talk about this but I have evidence to prove my innocence. I have a recording from that night proving that I was not with Hakan. I got drunk hanging out with Demet and we spent the night at my place. Demet took a picture of me sleeping and had it photoshop so it looked like I slept with Hakan." 

"Why does it matter now? Why didn't you tell me this two years ago?" Ferit's voice was laced with irritation. 

"I couldn't believe that you so easily believed Hakan over me... Ferit" she paused "I didn't fight for us because I had a miscarriage just a few days before. Yes, Ferit, we were going to have a baby, and I lost our child." I put a hand over my mouth "I was so consumed by grief that I lost all hope and couldn't bring myself to fight." Pelin confessed, her tone heavy with sadness. I felt her pain. No one can console you when losing a loved one especially your baby that you wanted so badly. 

Ferit's voice trembled with emotion as he uttered, "I-I'm so sorry, Pelin. I wish you had confided in me. I would have never left you alone to deal with the loss." 

"Ferit it took me two years to come back because I had to go through therapy. There were times when I thought about dying." I hear her voice crack. "I remember seeing that positive test result and I had a beautiful plan in my head on how I was going to tell you." I heard her scoff "But life had other plans." 

Asuman's stunned expression threatened to break me into tears, but I silently composed myself. Leaving the room discreetly, I returned to the living room, masking my true feelings to prevent any suspicion. Moments later, Ferit and Pelin emerged. He had a somber look while she tried to hide her reddened tear-stained eyes.

 I observed Ferit's efforts to engage with the invitees to uphold appearances, but I sensed that Pelin's heavy news lingered in his thoughts, weighing on him deeply.

Asuman's shocked expression threatened to break me into tears, but I silently composed myself. Leaving the room discreetly, I returned to the living room, masking my true feelings to prevent any suspicion. A few minutes later, I see Ferit and Pelin walk out. He had a somber look while she tried to hide her red teared eyes. I see Ferit trying to socialize and maintain a social appearance like myself but I know that Pelin's heavy news weighed on him and marinated in his mind. 

----***----

The car ride back felt like an eternity, each passing moment heavy with unspoken tension. As we sat in silence, the weight of unspoken words became thicker. Finally, Ferit broke the silence, his voice tinged with hurt and betrayal. "Nazli, we need to talk. I don't understand why you kept all of this from me. I thought we had trust in our relationship. Why couldn't you come to me? I can't believe Hakan knows more about you than I do." 

My heart clenched at his words, and I struggled to find the courage to speak. "Ferit, Hakan offered me a job, but I never intended to accept it," my voice trembling with emotion. Taking a deep breath, I knew it was time to say my truth. "I didn't quit working for your mom. She fired me because of us, and finding a new job has been a struggle. The only place that offered me a chance was the Falafel House, where I've been working for the past few weeks. And yes, I've found a location for my restaurant and in two weeks, I hope to secure the lease." 

"And during all this time I was never considered?" He scoffed.

"Ferit I was trying to protect you. I don't want you to view your mom with hate... its already tense as it is and I don't want you to think that I'm with you for your money." My voice softening as I uttered the final words. 

"No, Nazli, your fear stems from people thinking that you are with me for my money. The issue at hand is your lack of communication and trust in me," he expressed, his frustration evident as his voice rose. "I think it's best for us to take a break and reflect on our relationship. It kills me to do this, but you need to take the time to think if you want to be with me, and yes, Nazli that includes my fortune." 

"I love you more than words can express and the thought of us taking a break shatters me but I know deep down you are right," I uttered, feeling tears welling up. At this moment, our stark differences became apparent – he exuded intelligence, confidence, success, traits that I lack. He deserves a woman who is courageous, someone who can stand tall and complement his strength.

Following our conversation, a palpable silence enveloped us as we continued driving. Ferit drove me home and without waiting for him to open my car door, I swiftly bid him farewell and left. 

----***----

Its been a long week and a half since Ferit and I broke up. Yes, I say break up because I don't know if after last night we might still be together. The entire Aslan family had attended a gallery opening and in the front cover of Turkey Weekly, our Turkish gossip magazine, was Ferit and Pelin photographed together. And being the masochist I am, bought the magazine and read it Fatos when I got home. 

"'We aren't together yet, but we share so much love for one another. After two years separated from a long relationship, its nice to pick up where we left off.' Said Pelin as she looked chic in a purple Dolce & Gabbana mini dress paired with black boots and a matching purple coat." Read Fatos out loud. 

"I'm sick of this. I'm out. I'm only going to focus on the restaurant so I'm leaving to go clean up and start." I storm out. 

The restaurant was a traditional high-beamed, open loft space with black and white tiled floor. I'm working with a contractor to change the floor and enlarge the windows so the patrons can get a nice view of the city and the passersby a glimpse inside the restaurant. The restaurant looks like a dusty disaster, some of the tiles have been jacked hammer off and some the old wall paper has been stripped off from the walls. Despite the mess, the newly installed floor-to-ceiling windows offered an amazing view and transformed the space. I make my way to the kitchen in the back, eager to tackle organizing and cleaning the back. The kitchen is in disarray with so many boxes filled with cookware and appliances.I unpacked each box, washed its contents, dried them, and placed them in their designated spots. As I work diligently, a sense of contentment washes over me, its like my spirit knows that this is my place. If only my mother were here to witness my dream. I continue being lost in a trance, completely absorbed in my cleaning letting my mind drift off. Suddenly, the memory of the Ferit and Pelin article titled "Turkey's most beautiful couple is back on" surfaced in my mind and my heart sank. The worst part was reading how the article mentioned our relationship so briefly, like if what we had was meaningless. 'The relationship he had with working-class person ended after a few months.' It was a casual dismissal of our relationship. I was described as a commoner. 

It hurts to think that Ferit has forgotten me. I shut my eyes. Please, I prayed silently, tell me this isn't happening. Tell me that he hasn't forgotten the love we had. I take a minute to regroup and let go of these thoughts, from now on I plan to focus all my energy on the restaurant.