A/n: sort of an intense chapter. hope you like it x
29 June
It is our second day of our holiday and we have already had the time of our lives here. I stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and watching Niall lay on the beach. I smiled at the wind in his hair and how beautiful he looked. He's sun-kissed, his cheeks and nose a bit burnt, and absolutely perfect. He's spent most of the time outside and almost begged me to sleep out there too. It made me so happy to see him happy. He turned around and lowered his sunglasses, smiling his breathtaking smile at me. I smiled back and he waved me over. I grabbed my sunglasses and him a water bottle before heading outside.
"Hey, Niall," I said and handed him the water. He took it gratefully and drank it before pulling the empty beach chair closer to his. He patted it and I slowly sat down on it.
"What is it?" I asked, confused by his silence and seriousness.
"Just want you to lay here with me, watch the sunset," he said and I laughed.
"You're a dork," I said and put on my sunglasses.
"It's beautiful out here," he shrugged.
"You're even more beautiful than any of this," I said, causing him to smile and glance at me.
"Thanks, love," he chuckled, "and you said I was the dork."
"Shut up," I mumbled. He slipped his hand into mine and squeezed it lightly while watching the almost clear blue water crash against the shore. I stared at him, distracted by his flawless features.
"Babe, I promise you that the sunset and the water are much more beautiful than me," he said noticing my stare. I blushed and turned away to watch the sunset. It really was gorgeous. Getting to experience this with Niall has made me beyond happy. Time went by quickly and soon it was dark out, the stars twinkling and the wind chillier.
"We should go back inside, I'm getting cold," I said and he laughed.
"Hold on," he said, "just stay here for a second," he quickly got up and jogged inside. I sighed and waited for his return.
"Here," he said, walking towards me and tossing me a hoodie.
"Thanks," I said and glanced at him as he slipped on one of my hoodies.
"Cute," I said, gesturing to my hoodie.
"I like it," he shrugged. He sat down next to me and held my hand. He was wearing one of my tighter hoodies and I'd be lying if I said his muscles didn't look hot in it. His arms filled the sleeves but his torso was so petite that it was looser around him.
"You're staring again," he said.
"Sorry," I mumbled.
"What were you swooning over this time?" He teased.
"Your arms," I admitted and he grinned.
"Loads of gym time," he winked. I got up and pulled him up with me.
"Why are you taking me to the water?" He asked as I pulled him closer and closer to the water. "Liam, seriously it's probably freezing and I don't want to get wet," he whined.
"I'm not going to push you in, Niall. Trust me," I grinned and slid my hands down to his hips. The water crashed at our feet as I looked into his eyes and smiled.
"I'm happy you came out here with me," I said.
"Happy to be here with you," he said and wrapped his arms around my neck, "now kiss me, you fool." I laughed and kissed him, bringing my hand up and squeezing his bicep. He smiled against lips and pulled away.
"You're cute," he said and kissed my cheek.
"Yeah yeah. Let's go inside now," I said.
"Do we have to?" He pouted.
"Well, you can stay out here if you want, I still want to go inside," I sighed.
"Okay, I'll be in in a few," he smiled. I kissed his cheek and headed toward the house. I looked back at him and smiled at his sitting down and staring at the sky. I shook the sand off of my feet before going into the house. Taking off my hoodie, I went to the master bedroom and laid down and grabbed my phone. I checked my messages and quickly replied to them. Zayn's message caught my eye and I didn't know if I should ignore him or try to be comfortable with the fact that he likes me.
hope you made it there okay x
The message was simple, yes, but it was just awkward. It's awkward with him and knowing that he had feelings for me that I'd never be able to return. I sighed and quickly replied to him.
we got here just fine thanks hope ur okay too :)
Though I had just replied after a couple of hours, he replied instantly and I groaned.
I'm good Li x
I sighed and decided not to reply. I mean, what's there to talk about? I'm so not okay with him liking me given it puts stress on my relationship with Niall. I know he can't help it, but honestly I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me.
"Woah, Liam, why so serious?" Niall's voice broke me out of my thoughts. I watched him slip out of the hoodie and hang it over the sofa.
"Oh nothing," I said and shook my head.
"Okay," he said slowly, "who're you texting, anyone fun?" He asked instead, jumping into bed next to me.
"No one," I said just as my phone vibrated and pinged from a text.
"Oh really?" He smirked and raised his eyebrow. I rolled my eyes and glanced at my phone. I read another message from Zayn and sighed.
just wondering, when are you guys gonna be back? Lou and H wanna rehearse a few songs before the tour and we need to make a schedule of times in the studio
I quickly replied a very bland text back before locking my phone.
A week
"Why so sneaky?" He asked slowly.
"It's nothing, Niall," I assured him and set my phone on the bedside table.
"Liam," he said. I really didn't want to start an argument with him. This was a very touchy subject. Then again, I didn't want to lie to him.
"I don't want to be the prying, untrusting boyfriend, Liam. Please don't make me one," he said softly.
"I was texting Zayn, answering his question of when we're coming back because they need to make a schedule to rehearse at the studio and stuff," I explained.
"Stuff?" He asked. I sighed and grabbed my phone and went to the messages before handing it to him.
"You can check for yourself, I really don't have anything to hide. Niall, I'd never do anything to ruin what we have. I just didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to get mad or something. Seriously, I've loved you for so long and I've wanted you for so long, I would never and could never ruin it," I rambled. He shook his head and put the phone onto the bedside table without looking at it.
"Hush, Liam, I know. I'm sorry I even questioned you," he said and hugged me.
"It's okay, love, I would have too if I were you," I admitted and pulled away from him.
"Can we not talk about this anymore?" He chuckled lightly and I nodded eagerly. He smiled softly and kissed me. I reached up and cupped his cheek, deepening the kiss and pulling him closer to me. I pulled him on top of me and he disconnected our lips and stared between me and him, raising his eyebrow.
"I have impeccable upper body strength," I shrugged and he laughed.
"Not going to argue with that," he smirked.
"Are you tired? Because I'm still getting used to the time difference and I'm wide awake right," I said and he nodded.
"Wide awake too," he said, "but that's okay, because that only means we can make out longer."
"You're cute," I laughed. He grinned and got up from the bed and walked to the gigantic doors that open up to the beach and he opened them. I sat up and breathed in the crisp air. I stared at Niall, watching him stand against the railing and gaze out to the ocean. I followed him outside and stood behind him, placing my hands on either side of his on the railing.
"You really love it out here, huh?" I murmured and kissed his shoulder.
"Yeah," he nodded and leaned into my body. I softly placed kisses along his shoulder and to his neck.
"Feels good, Li," he said.
"Does it?" I grinned and lightly bit his shoulder. He hummed and nodded. He turned around and faced me, staring up at me. I pressed my body against his and nuzzled my nose against his neck before kissing his neck lightly.
"Liam," he murmured, "stop for a sec." I backed off and looked at him confused.
"No, it's not that I don't want you to kiss me, I do, I just want to tell you something," he said quickly after seeing my face.
"Okay..." I said, waiting for him to explain.
"I just want you to know that I'm sorry and I love you a lot," he mumbled and I smiled.
"I know, love, it's fine, trust me. I love you a lot too," I said and he blushed, his cheeks getting redder than they already were. I lightly stroked his cheek and he whined.
"I'm not blushing, I swear, I'm sun burnt," he pouted.
"Whatever you say," I chuckled and lightly kissed his cheek.
"Ouch," he mumbled.
"Sorry, love, I forget how much you burn," I said, smirking at him.
"Oh shut up, not everyone can be a naturally tan god all the time," he said and I laughed.
"You're beautiful, Niall," I said and he snorted.
"Don't be cheesy," he said and giggled.
"I'm not," I chuckled. He grinned at me and turned around.
"I'm cold," he mumbled. I teased him about it but nevertheless I hugged him and pressed my body against his.
"You're like a human furnace, Liam, it's not fair," he laughed, "but thank you."
"Come inside, love," I said and stepped away from him. He turned to me and nodded, taking my hand and I pulled him inside.
"Leave the doors open, I like the air," he said and I nodded. He stopped me from walking any further and tugged me towards him. I smirked when I was pressed against his chest.
"Yes?" I grinned. He shrugged and kissed me abruptly. I kissed him slowly while walking us to the bed. We both went falling onto the bed in a fit of laughter. I rolled off of him and propped my head up on my arm. I watched him, trying to get an idea of what he was thinking about. Considering he was a very closed off person, it was very difficult.
"Niall," I said, nudging him lightly.
"Hmm?" He glanced at me.
"What are you thinking about?" I asked, tracing random shapes on his arm.
"You," he said and I snickered.
"Yeah? What about me?" I asked and smiled, squeezing his arm lightly.
"Everything," he shrugged. I raised my eyebrow and waited for him to elaborate. He just winked and smirked.
"Ni, don't be a tease," I laughed.
"I'm not really. I'm always thinking about you so it would get repetitive if we keep having this conversation," he said and shrugged.
"Dork," I chuckled and pecked his lips lightly.
"Shut up," he murmured, resting his hand on my neck and kissing me. We kissed slowly and innocently. He never seemed to want to heat things up, which was perfectly fine, just peculiar. Not that it bothers me that he wants to take it slow, I'm all for that, it just makes me wonder why he wants to take it slow.
"You're distracted," he said against my lips and pulled away.
"What?" I shook my head, "no, I'm good, Ni."
"Yes, you are. What's on your mind?" He asked, stroking my cheek and grinning. I shrugged and cuddled into his chest, wrapping my life arm around his torso.
"You okay, Liam?" He chuckled but still wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head.
"I'm good," I nodded.
"Are you?" He asked doubtfully.
"I am," I said and lifted my head from his chest to smile up at him.
"Your smile is my favorite thing," he said, tracing my lips with his thumb. My skin burned at his touch, as it always does and I couldn't help but blush.
"Thanks, babe," I said and laid my head inches away from his.
"I want to go swimming," he said randomly and I chuckled.
"Right now?" I asked.
"Yes, right now. Do you want to go?" He asked.
"Hot tub or ocean?" I grinned and got up.
"Hmm, hot tub," he said. I nodded and quickly changed into my swimming trunks.
"Cute ass," Niall said from behind me and I glanced at him. I smirked as he continued to stare at me.
"Come on, creep," I laughed and headed outside to the hot tub, which I thankfully left on.
"Just stating the obvious," he said, catching up to me. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and kissed the side of his head.
"After you," he giggled once we got to the tub.
"You just want to stare at my ass," I rolled my eyes.
"I'll take any chance that I can get," he shrugged.
"Idiot," I laughed and got into the soothing hot water. I yanked him into the water and pulled him closer to me. I sat against the edge of the hot tub and he straddled me. I smirked and kissed his neck, pulling him closer by his hips. He ran one hand through my hair and the other rested on my shoulder. I sucked a bit aggressively at his neck and held back a laugh at his moan, which was incredibly sexy. I softly kissed his neck once more before pulling away and smirking at him. I kissed his lips instead, cupping his cheek and scratching his back lightly.
"Li," he murmured against my lips.
"Hmm?" I hummed and continued kissing him.
"Liam, stop," he said and slowly pushed me away. I stared at him, completely confused.
"I'm sorry, love, what is it?" I said quickly.
"Nothing," he shook his head and I looked at him questioningly.
"You're not telling me something, Niall. What is it?" I asked, genuinely wanting to know what was up with him.
"I don't like talking about it," he mumbled.
"Talk to me," I said.
"Okay," he sighed and got off of me. He sat next to me took a deep breath. I waited for him to go on and held his hand.
"When I was younger, before any of this, I was in like a weird relationship and it changed me a lot and," he chuckled coldly, "sorry, I just managed to bury that part of my life and I haven't talked about it in a while.
"Anyway, in the end I obviously got hurt and it just made me terrified of relationships and getting close to people," he said, cowering away from me.
"Hey, it's over now, Niall," I murmured and moved towards him, "I'll never hurt you, I promise you that."
"You're not weirded out because of it?" He asked quietly.
"No, love," I shook my head, "I'm glad you told me about it."
"I'm sorry I'm just a mess. You probably weren't expecting that," he said.
"Niall, you're still perfect to me, no matter what. I love you, okay?" I said and wrapped my arms around him.
"I love you too," he mumbled against my chest.
"Babe, that part of your life is over now, it won't happen again," I said and kissed the top of his head.
"Can we just go inside and cuddle?" He asked and I nodded. I got out of the hot tub and he thankfully brought towels outside. I wrapped it around me and then wrapped one around Niall once he got out. I kissed his cheek and snaked my arm around his waist and walked us inside. I changed into dry clothes before getting into bed. Niall crawled into bed and lifted my arm before cuddling into my chest.
"He was horrible, Liam," he mumbled, "he literally ruined me."
"He?" I asked.
"Yeah," he sighed.
"Sorry, I didn't-"
"Expect it? Neither did I. He was nice at first and then he just changed and became really cruel and terrifying," he said and I couldn't think of how someone could hurt Niall of all people.
"How'd it end?" I asked.
"Well, one night he was over and he wanted to have sex with me and I didn't want to and he got really aggressive and terrifying. He didn't know Greg was home, neither did I for that matter, and he heard me yelling, trying to get him off of me and came into my room and found him on top of me and-" he breathed and stopped talking.
"You don't have to tell me anymore, love," I said quickly and rubbed his back.
"No, I'm okay, really. Um, anyway, he got him off of me and they yelled, a lot. I had just turned 16 and he was 19 so Greg called the police and they took him in for sexually assaulting a minor. I obviously was reluctant to testify against him because he genuinely scared me but I did and little did I know, he had been doing the same thing to a girl who was younger than me at the time. It was just all bad," he said and gripped my arm. I had no idea what to say. I couldn't believe someone would do that to anyone, much less Niall.
"Niall, you did the right thing," I said, "testifying and everything."
"Yeah, I know. He has a life sentence, plus 14 years, so he's gone for good," he sighed in relief.
"It'll never happen to you again, Niall. I promise, you're safe with me," I murmured and kissed the top of his head.
"Thank you," he said. I nodded and tightened my arms around him.
"Have you told anyone else about it?" I asked.
"Told Harry a while ago, that's why he's so protective of me," he chuckled lightly. I nodded and continued to rub his back comfortingly.
"What did he look like?" I asked, genuinely interested.
"He was gorgeous, I mean, even if you were a straight male you'd think he was beyond beautiful. Tall, muscular, tan, intense. Really intense," he said quietly.
"I'm sorry, I'm just curious, I'm not trying to pry," I said.
"It's okay, I decided to tell you about it, might as well not leave anything out," he said. I nodded and kissed his forehead.
"Even though it's been four years since it's happened, it still gets to me," he sighed.
"I don't think that's something you'll get over completely, Niall," I said.
"I know, I tried everything," he laughed lightly.
"Like what?" I asked, genuinely curious now.
"Alcohol, it didn't work. Once I got admitted for alcohol poisoning, then my doctor ordered I see a therapist. They prescribed me with something for post traumatic stress and then I started excessively taking those. That didn't work, so I took them with alcohol, that almost worked until they pumped my stomach. It just ruined me, Liam. But I'm completely over that stage. I'm better now," he said and I was shocked.
"I'm sorry I'm bringing all of this back up, Niall," I said, seeing how hard this was on him.
"No, it's better that you know there's a reason to my hesitation and that it's not your fault when I don't--can't do anything further than kissing you and I'm sorry for that," he mumbled embarrassingly.
"Hey, look at me," I said, lifting his head up, "I am not with you just for sex, Niall. I actually care about you and love your wittiness and sarcasm and your hilarious sense of humor and I can go on for ages. You do not have to apologize at all. Nothing was your fault."
"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" He asked and chuckled softly. I smiled and kissed his cheek.
"If I wasn't so jet lagged, I'd love to hear it," I giggled.
"You getting tired too?" He asked and yawned.
"Kinda," I nodded. He kissed me lightly and turned around. I put my arm around him and intertwined our hands.
"Love you," I murmured into his ear and kissed behind it.
"Love you more, Li," he said and before I could argue, he was asleep, quiet snores escaping him. I stayed up a while, trying to comprehend what happened to him. I couldn't fathom why and how someone could hurt someone so innocent and good. It did anger me and I was so glad that he would never be in my presence because I'd probably end up beating the shit out of him. No wonder Niall never completely opened up to me and was so reserved when it came to talking about our past. I yawned and sighed, scooting closer to him and decided to sleep.
