Haru Haru

Out of Town ~ Part 8

After talking with Justin yesterday at lunch I was nervous. I would go to the game but I needed to figure out a way to get out of the house. Times before I have left early enough in the morning that no one was awake so they didn't notice me leaving and honestly because I make it back around the time school would be out I imagine they think I was just at school. I guess we will see I have a day to come up with something.

Walking into school today I notice I get a few more looks than normal, but after walking with Justin to his locker yesterday this isn't nearly as many as that. I don't know how he handles that many looks all the time. I notice people looking at him all the time, and it seems that the more I am around him the more looks I am getting now too. I don't like it.

I manage to get my board in my locker today thankfully, pulling the books from my bag and adding them to the collection in there so I don't have to carry them around all morning. I don't see Justin anywhere as I walk to my first period class, just assuming I would see him in English.

Low and behold he was in English just as happy as ever with a smile causing his face to light up, so happy just by beating me to the room but already sitting beside my normal seat in the back. Making my way there and sitting down I am greeted by his voice talking about how horrible his French class was right before this one. I listen as he talks excitedly about things, trying to be excited at the right points but knowing I fall short of his enthusiasm. 

I have never been a super happy person even before everything happened, but since then everything has just been worse. I struggle to get excited about things like he does. I can't see the bright side of anything, but I can list you a chapter book of worries I have even before I get out of bed. Its constant the worry and comparing how I will never be as good as everyone else. I don't know how to shut off my head. Its like a voice reminding me all the time how I am failing, even if I wasn't thinking about those things.

I am in a funk for the rest of the day, to the point that even as I am going home I walk carrying my board at my side not hearing the noises that pass me by. I go inside the house and straight to the bathroom after dropping my things in my room. Locking the door I strip out of the clothes I am wearing not even feeling myself doing it.  I look in the mirror in just my underwear. My eyes trailing up my body from the ground, taking in everything as I go.

My skin is pale, showing every mark that it holds onto. I don't realize I am crying, that I have gotten my blade out, or even used it until  I am sitting on the cold tile floor in a pool of my own blood. Slowly coming out of the daze I start cleaning everything. Why am I like this? I am so messed up I didn't even realize what I was doing. I deserve all of it and more. But why do I have to feel so lost? So lonely? Why can I not just be normal?

I am laying on my bed a few hours later, lost in my own head still. Pulled out of my daydream by hearing my name yelled from downstairs. Mrs. Sevol must be home, otherwise it would be my nickname he likes calling me being yelled. I get up and walk downstairs seeing both of them by the door, a suitcase in Mr. Sevols hand being carried outside as soon as I make it in font of them.

"Alright Jale sweetie, my sister just called she is in labor with her baby so we are going to go see her and help get her and the baby settled back home for a few days. I left some money on the counter for food while we are gone. I am sorry this is such short notice I have been so busy at work and she wasn't due for another 3 weeks, so we are all surprised." She says in a hurry.

"Oh ok,  do you know when you will be back?"

"No not yet, it all just depends how they are doing and how much help they need right now. At the latest we should be back by this time next week, I will texts with updates and let you know if anything changes."