Adrian (The Write Awards 2013)

05: Landscape

My universe (what an odd ring that has to it) is wrecked, destroyed, broken into millions of pieces that don't look like they'll ever fit back together exactly the same way. At least it resembles what I'm actually like. At least it's a bit more Cleo.

But who is Cleo?

I am Cleo, I tell myself. But that answer doesn't really work for me, so I ask a different question. Who am I?

I don't really know. And I can't seem to be satisfied with dancing in the shadows which are not knowing. I remember that Jax said he controlled me once, and I think that it may be the reason why I seem to have little identity. As of now, I only know that I am a shattered mess, but it doesn't look like I'll have time to discover anything more, for Jax has a different plan.

"Cleo, the landscape is ruined here. You must reshape it into something new. A place where life can thrive."

"Why?"

"Why not? Well, I suppose you could be bored for the rest of eternity, or you can create life. Your choice."

His answer silences me. I hate it when other people are right. No, I hate it when I'm wrong. Maybe I should just stop thinking about hate all together. Don't I want a peaceful universe? Honestly, I just want a universe that will distract me from thinking about Adrian. But peace would be an added bonus, I convince myself.

I begin to focus. Looking around, I realize that I don't really know where to start at all. I haven't the faintest idea. I tilt my head upwards to face the clouds, then I avert my eyes to the dim and ruined landscape before me.

My feet sink into the mud. My toes curl, and it wedges in between them. It feels squishy and I don't enjoy it. I never did. Mud fights were always Adrian's thing when we were kids, not mine. That's the first thing I should get rid of! I think. It's quite a nuisance.

One.

Two.

Three.

I should've thought this through. Now, there is no ground and the selective gravity has decided to kick in again. I'm falling.

After plummeting indefinitely numerous times, it gets old.

I crash to the ground, my limbs spread out like a starfish's. I don't remember creating a ground, or getting myself to stop. I was only falling. I didn't do anything at all. Any rules set here seem to be easily broken, and it's quite frustrating. You only despise structure until you have none.

I don't know where I am. Everything looks different here. It's all blurry, like Jax's face. Millions of colors seem to merge together; pinks, blues, purples. Like a setting sky. It's comforting in a way, but I'm still lost. Why am I lost in what is supposedly my own universe?

Suddenly, I feel rain falling on my skin. It's a searing pain like nothing I've ever experienced before. The colors are starting to drip into the pool of rain that is floating around my ankles. It's accumulating quickly, and it soon reaches my thigh. I'm screaming so shrilly that I can see the sound waves in the water.

It's all so surreal.

The rain floats up to my mid-stomach and surrounds me in a boundless ocean. I can feel my insides burning. My ribs are disintegrating, my legs are gone, my skin is peeling away. At least, that's what it feels like. And now I'm drowning. The surface seems to be miles and miles above my head like a distant memory.

I can't breathe, I can't think. I close my eyes and I'm afraid to look anywhere. I feel ghostly, like I first did when I arrived to the nothingness. My energy is quickly depleting.