Adrian (The Write Awards 2013)

21: Train of Thought

"Aw shit," Darren cursed. "What the--"

"Dammit! Now we can't freaking see! At all!" Adrian sounds like he could kill someone, but since I can't see his expression, I can't be sure. Even so, he has been a but malicious ever since he's came to meet us.

"Hey, it's not my fault!" Darren counters. "Besides, you seem to know this place like the back of your hand, why don't you find us a light source instead of using me?"

"Oh, so you don't like being used?" Adrian scoffs. "How ironic! You're a total hypocrite!"

"Alright! Quit the bickering!" I shout, surprising myself. My voice echoes loudly off of the walls, and the boys turn to look at me. "We've still got some light from the front entrance. It'll be okay."

"No, it won't! Once we get down farther, it'll be pitch black, and I can't do anything about it," Adrian says.

"Why not?" Darren questions. "Do you even know what you're doing down here? Because it doesn't seem like it." His voice lowers to a mumble, and a barely catch what he says next. "Lenore and Louisa could be dead already; I need to get to them."

Adrian doesn't hear the last part, seemingly. "Doesn't matter. Why don't you two just get in the damn cart already?"

Sighing, I climb in beside him. I pull my knees to my chest to make up more room. And then suddenly, I think of something. Can I read Adrian and Darren's minds? I don't know if it's possible and I don't want to. It's a scary thought, and I can't afford to freak myself by dwelling over it.

Darren climbs in behind me. I can only scoot over so much to make room for him. Thankfully, I'm able to squeeze between him and Adrian to prevent further fighting, or else massive chaos would erupt in our small little minecart. Once we're all officially settled, Adrian kicks the cart, and it magically starts off down the tracks.

The ride is noisy, bumpy, and all around uncomfortable. There are numerous bumps in the track that jolt us slightly upward. I can feel Darren's every breath practically go down my neck, which is enough to make my skin crawl. Not to mention the sharp turns the cart takes, which seem to throw my stomach up into my throat. Unbearable is just about the perfect word to describe it.

Adrian was right when he said the tunnel would get darker as we advanced farther and farther along. It doesn't take much time before everything around me is pitch black. And when I say pitch black, I mean it. This is darker than any night I have ever experienced. I can't even see the faintest outline of my hand in front of my face, and I wouldn't even be aware of the boys' presence if it weren't for their constant squirming.

The darkness is what's really frightening. I thought nothing could be more empty than the Nothingness, but I think this might be. I now understand why kids are afraid of the dark. Out of sight, out of mind. A child's protective parents are just down the hall, but when he can't see them, the feeling of safety quickly eludes him. Adrian is right in front of me, but even as we're pressed up against each other, I feel like he's not even there. Or, that in the dark, he could turn into the monster that he once was. I'm still wondering about what happened with all of that mess.

Here comes the part I hated about falling asleep: being alone with my own thoughts. It's terrible, because everything I've ever pushed to the back of my mind--which is, to say a lot--comes rushing back to me all at once. I'm not able to comprehend all of the uncertainty, and it sends my mind into a panicked frenzy. I can't think about any of this, not now. It'll kill me when I need most to be alive.

I clear my throat. "How long," I ask, "until we get to . . . wherever we're going?" With the darkness surrounding me, my voice is automatically at a whisper that I can't seem to help. After the words escape my lips, however, I realize I probably should have been even quieter. Darren heard me, and what I said is sure to start a fight.