dancing

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date of publication: march 18, 2024

i think im experiencing
a side of humanity ive never experienced before.

it is uncannily present in every pore of society
in the fixated stares, in everything that comes over the radio
in advertising, in gossip and on tattoos and in slang and in dreams
it is left and right and especially below you

i spent years afraid of it
i danced like i was dancing with fire, like
it could burn me and tear me apart, like
the only way to dance was to allow myself to burn
to build callouses on my hands so that they could not bleed
to dance hard enough that i couldn't feel the pain anymore

and then i wished not to dance at all
for i was tired to the bone
and because i could feel glass under my bare feet
i begged to stop
and my voice caught in my throat at the sight of tears
but even if my begging wasn't heard
it still scratched at my throat, still
choked me

i learned i could dance any dance
as long as i had someone to dance with me
and then, for the first time

for the first time in my life
i heard the music.

i could see the way he moved his arms, now
to a beat, the way he swayed
was to drums, the way he bent back
was because the climax was arriving
and he was exhilarated with the beauty of the song

i'd written a lot of music, but i'd never heard it with my own ears

and now I find myself turned completely around
standing in a place most men have stood
in the middle of the dancefloor, a hand extended to you
waiting for you to take it

waiting

waiting for you to take it

and here is where i would've scoffed, would've said

waiting

would've said it wasn't worth it

waiting

because i never understood

waiting

why people begged to dance

waiting

violence, it was, to force someone to dance

waiting

when nobody wants to dance

waiting

because dancing

waiting

is pointless

waiting

there's not even any music

waiting

i won't make you dance, won't make the words clog up your throat
won't choke you
but close your eyes

and listen to the music

do you wanna dance, my love?

.

one, two, three, four

.

five, six, seven eight

.

nine, ten.

.

.

.

i don't wanna dance slow


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