Cold Lust

6: Withdrawal

♬|--Nostalgia - Cry of Fear--|♬

With the conversation still pending, the avid air of instant change and redemption hung on. Jeremy already thought that his words have convinced him to take part in self-improvement and to let go of his past as a whole.

But as a response, Eddy scoffed at his words. "Really, huh?" he started off with a grin of extreme mock and disbelief.

Jeremy gave an unaffected stare at him, "I'm serious, Eddy."

"You're telling me that this whole thing will help me 'change' and heal' from what I did" Eddy continued, "Right?"

"That's right, Eddy," Jeremy came back with, "If you don't trust this, that's alright. But you need to change your life by yourself, since you are your own best teacher."

A resigned sigh was heard from Eddy as he again looked down at his feet. "I don't know man," he whispered, "I don't know how to make this all work out for me, after that bitch left me in the dust."

The gloomy atmosphere in the room thickened as Eddy's words hung in the air as a reminder of his bitter past. Jeremy's expressions softened, his eyes reflecting a deep pool of empathy as he listened.

"I understand," he responds, "but dwelling in the past won't change anything, what matters is how to overcome from it."

He sat there for another second and half as he tried hard not to break down in tears. "I just... don't know if I'll be able to forget her," he uttered in a tone of mixed suppressed emotions, "Why wouldn't I get into weed?"

Jeremy leaned forward, hoping to convince him one and for all. "You will, Eddy," he whispered, "You will. It's about forgiving yourself and trying to change your future. You just have to give it a try, if you don't like it, we can put it up to you to fix your life."

He did not respond to him that moment as he thought about joining his sessions once and for all. From that point on his painful self-improvement journey fully began. He also thought about the various possibilities that could arise from this, either good or bad. He sat there with his head down for about a few seconds more.

"Alright, I'll go." he responded, finally turned his head up to look at him.

A wave of relief washed over Jeremy as he gave a warm smile. "I'm thankful that you took the first step," Jeremy answered with a sincere and empathic tone, "You'll be put in another private session tomorrow at the same time, is that okay?"

As Eddy reached for the front door, he waved goodbye to Jeremy before exiting. At his way home through a bus ride, Eddy thought about the possible consequences that could come out of this self-improvement journey, and how it could affect him and those around him as a whole. He sometimes would doubt it and sometimes think that everything will be okay. As he pondered about it, he leaned his head on the bus window as he fidgeted with his jacket zip. The reflection of him on the glass was a perfect amalgamation of his bitter past and uncertain future, mixed in with his miserable present.

As the bus rolled to a stop at the main road, Eddy walked out into the cold pavement and then into the inky fog of a near alleyway. The possible thought of going to these sessions everyday was one that would keep him awake all night, but it was one that he had to barge through, to make his way through, and to come out victorious from it. The walk home seemed longer than usual, a stark reminder of the futile efforts of his life's betterment and the outcomes he had to bore on to his present.

He was soon at the front door of his home after a quick elevator ride. He pushed the door open and stepped into the dimly lit living room. The apartment felt strangely quiet, as if time had came to a halt. He glanced around for a minute there, half expecting Rose waiting with a barge of questions of his first session, but he was only accompanied with the faint hum from the refrigerator at the kitchen.

Both relieved and disappointed, Eddy went to his room with a dissolved sigh. What he didn't know was that Rose was sitting at the dinner table with her meal already finished. She had gotten up for bed when she saw the front door wide open with Eddy's shoes kept near it.

He would have been sleeping well tonight if he didn't stumble across Rose near the kitchen entrance as he got ready to eat dinner. He stood and gulped there for a solid second before going to the table anyway with her in utter embarrassment.

"So, how'd it go?" she asks him at the table as he merely brought the spoon to his mouth.

"Fine I guess?" Eddy responds with the food still in his mouth.

"What stuff did you tell him?" Rose answers

With no response, he kept on eating his meal without paying much mind to her words that time. Overtime, the look on his face gloomed down as he kept on eating, getting reminded of the various adverse conditions he has to bore on as a requirement to all this, and the guilt and pressure he put on his loved ones due to it.

"I'm a piece of shit, ain't I?" Eddy soon began as he looked at his half eaten meal, almost on the verge of breaking down into tears.

Rose's curious expression were soon changed with that of concern as she leaned forward from her seat. "What!? No!" she responds, "Who told you that?"

"I shouldn't even be living with you in the first place," he continued, burdened with the never-ending guilt of his loved ones doing too much for him than he deserves, "I should've applied for a job years ago."

Her emotions softened, for she knew that her extreme kindness has led Eddy to question if he deserves all of it or not. Rose got up from her seat and rubbed her hand behind his back to comfort him from these thoughts. She watched the first time when Eddy ever cried since six or so years ago.

Eddy put his face down as he quietly sobbed under his arm wrapped around his head as she gently patted her hand on his back. She felt quiet remorseful of his actions and where that lead to him now. She would also have cried beside him if given the chance. As Rose comforted him, a sense of remorse flowed over her. She knew that the both of their pasts have taken a toll on him more than her. She watched as Eddy's sobs grew quieter with his head still laid down on the table.

"You're not a burden," she began as a bland attempt to ease him of his turbulent emotions. "You never were."

No words were heard from him as his sobs slowly dissolved away after a moment. As they ate in silence, a newfound sense of closeness formed between them. Eddy seemed to have gotten out of his despair already as he quietly ate on, as Rose watched from across the table with a faint smile. With each passing moment, the weight of Eddy's burdens seem to lift, replaced with flickering sparks of optimism for the future.

They soon drift off to their rooms after dinner. Eddy sank onto his bed as a way of convincing himself that he's worthy enough of such luxuries like therapy and proper care. He wanted to escape from it once and for all, to get away from his inner demons that has kept him in shackles for long now. As his eyes closed down, he saw the bright future that has yet to come for him soon at the celling.