Pathetic but Learnt : Collection of Realities, Imagery and my environment

i allowed myself think of a world that could never happen

just because
  I love you
does not mean you have
the right to pretend to love me
I did not kill someone,
oh let me say it the Nigerian way,
I no  kill person

if you did not feel anything for me, why keep me for 10 years,
I thought you loved me
and it was all a lie,
wickedness

we practically did everything a couple should do,
I did things I never knew I could just to make you happy
I allowed you put your penis inside my anus,
I shocked myself, never knew I could but I did all for you

I allowed you finger me,
you saw me naked for goodness sake, it might not be a big deal
to you but it was to me
I thought you loved me enough
to want me forever,
it was all in my dreams

you were acting differently,
you did not show
any concern,
you gave this energy
of you tired of solving issues we were having
the relationship
became toxic, lots of back
and forth insults,
eventually the calling reduced, you loved calling me on the phone
no sweet name calling
I remembered when
you used to tell me your penis was designed for my vagina
I looked forward
in allowing you
enter me so deeply
I looked forward in you taking places I never knew existed
I wanted to
feel all of you inside me but it never happened

you did not fight for me
and I had to let you go even though it was not easy
you were shocked
I dumped you since you felt it was supposed to be you as the man (Naija man) to dump me, I beat you to it

such is life that after all these years I wished
we did not break up, but till now I have not heard from you
it still hurts
but I try to move on
someone out there
is about locating me,
who gets me,
loved everything about me

I have open arms
in finding this man for me
and I will let him in and
he will be grateful
to God for making our paths cross.

Till then, I am looking forward in anticipation