Haylor One-Shots

I Love You

Dedication for this one-shot goes out to Reba McEntire and her song 'What Do You Say' check it out on YouTube.

I woke up smiling this morning, there was no particular reason. It's possible that I just felt better than I had yesterday or it could have been the way that the sun was shining through the windows of the lounge. Either way I felt good, healthy even. "Babe, where are you?" I turned towards the noise and replied. "Lounge Harry," I sensed him before he spoke. "Babe you're meant to be in bed. That's what the doctors told us." I turned to face him. A small smile on my face, his face looked older to me but that was what we expected. Things weren't looking good and now with Ellie at school we had more time but it would never be enough. There wasn't enough time in the day to spend time just observing, afraid to look away in fear of missing some small detail that could change someone's life or day. But I still faced on bravely. My name is Taylor Alison Styles, I am thirty two years old. My husband Harry is twenty seven and we have a five year old daughter Ellie Kayden Styles. She is my whole world, my family is my whole world. Harry and I don't tour anymore with having Ellie, my last album was '1989' and One Direction broke up just before Ellie was born. We had been married for just over a year when I got pregnant with Ellie, it happened easily and when we decided a year ago to try again nothing was working. Every test was negative and then we went to the doctor. Blood work was completed, tests were completed and through it all we stood tall until one day we got a call from the hospital. I had cancer. It was different to what my mom had beaten seven years ago, I had ovarian cancer that had spread. When I was diagnosed I had five months to live. I'm in my last month. I chose not to do treatment because it wouldn't change anything I would just be in and out of hospital and lose my hair. This way I stayed the same.

Things had changed since I was diagnosed. For one we never went anywhere that could harm me further instead we had family gatherings where all our family and friends came. We spent time as a family watching movies and having tea parties in the lounge but it was difficult to know that as I watched Ellie play Barbie's I would never see her grow up, have her first kiss, get married or have her first baby. There would be no one to comfort her when some boy dumped her and her heart was shattered. This was what always got me, the doctors keep telling me I'm getting worse but on days like today when the sun shines it's hard to feel bad or worse. The sun helps me feel better because I can see for myself the good in the world and that feels nice. I can almost imagine a safe world for my baby to grow up in it sounds perfect to me.

Harry had been told by the doctors what to watch out for, things like extreme nausea which was practically morning sickness times one thousand and any un-usual things such tiredness and paleness that hadn't occurred before. All these things could help them to diagnose the end. But for today it wasn't getting me down. "Baby..." Harry's voice called. I spun to see him and his small smile, green eyes piercing into mine. It's hard to believe that seven years ago he came back and pursued me so much that Calvin left me, but Harry was there begging for another chance to which I gave him and he's proved himself to everyone and especially now when things are so tense. All of our friends have been banned from our house, if they can't not cry they can't come in. Seeing them upset makes me upset and I can't help but feel bad that they have to see me like this. I've been spending time with everyone one on one for several hours a day. Today is Karlie's day, she's coming to see me soon and Harry is leaving to spend time with Niall and Louis. I've done my days with Niall, Louis, Liam, Ed, Lily, Abigail, Cara, Gigi, Martha and everyone who matters to me except for Harry, my parents, his parents and Ellie. I can't bear to say goodbye to her just yet. How do you tell your five year old daughter you are going away and not coming home and she can't even call you or Skype you, this is the part no one tells you about. The pain that lingers when you are gone that affects everyone you know.