The things I couldn't tell you that night.

Worth loving

"Oh god, you're so beautiful"

My friends always saw me as beautiful, they always point out my figure and how I have a "bod".

But where? Where is the beautiful body that I apparently have?

All I see is fatness all on the wrong places, no jawline, no waist and defined hip dips.

My friends always saw me as beautiful, they always point out my big soft pink lips.

But where? Where are the big soft pink lips that I apparently have?

All I see is cracked, dry lips. That go out and droop making me look like some sort of odd fish.

My friends always saw me as beautiful, they always point out my bouncy soft curls.

But where? Where are the bouncy soft curls that i apparently have?

All I see is dry matted hair. All messed up that can't be combed through, that the shine can't be seen from, that hairstyles can't be done on.

"Oh god, you're so beautiful"

That's what my friends tell me, but what is "beautiful" to them? Is beauty crooked yellow teeth? or even lopsided eyes that are two different shapes and sizes?

It could even be big ears that can't be hidden, or belly rolls that don't let me fit in clothes I would love to wear.

Possibly, the thigh gap and small bust and ass, I know it sounds dumb and that I'm trying to sexualize myself, but no.

I just want to fit into the stereotype of women this society has set, that you have to be thin with no scars in order to be the best.

You have to have long straight hair that's silky and shines and in order to be the first line.

Probably a giant ass and a bust that sits nice for a guy to give you at least a nine.

In order to be loved and liked, most people are like "love at first sight". They make the statement "oh I want her so bad" just by looking at her once.

Is one look all it takes for a man to fall in love with you? As long as you're pretty you're immediately worth loving.

So you're telling me, that my rolls and thin thighs, my frizz and breaks out, my flat and boxy body are not worth loving?

"Oh god, you're so beautiful" is all I want someone to say because they mean it, not because that's what they want me to hear.

"Oh god, you're so beautiful".