There is a moment in your life where you are stuck. You do not know whether to keep going or just step back and run away. But you know there is something holding you. You get tangled up in a way where you cannot seem to untie the knots. Strange, but beautiful. That 'something' is what we call hope.
It churns your heart in a way you cannot describe. Life makes you face the cliff to fall off too many times. There is hope holding you from falling. We sometimes find that hope in someone, or even within yourself. Whatever it is, no matter how vulnerable you are at the moment, the hope covers you with a facade of strength you want to build within yourself.
You had a glimpse of that hope today, because of him. If taking out your pains for even a night makes you feel less burdensome, it is everything. You know the next day, everything would come back crawling to you, but this moment was something you wanted to cherish.
"Would you see me differently if I share my pains?" You asked with an unsurity in your voice. He took a deep breathe hearing you. "I would not. We are here to let go of it, the pain, right? So let us just do that without thinking much" he whispered looking at you intensly. You nodded with a sigh and faced him.
"I do not know who my parents are..." You trailed off and looked at him for a while and when he nodded to you to continue, you resumed your speaking. Somehow, his eyes had softened listening you and you wondered why. Pity? Sympathy? You shrugged it off.
"I always wondered who they are. As a little kid, I had this curiosity to know where do they go leaving me. At the very tender age I should say, I had thoughts I should not have. I thought I was not deserving. I was naive and I thought that God is punishing me because he doesn't like me. After some years, I stopped searching for them because I thought my parents dont love me" you chuckled at that looking down. A drop of tear rolled down your cheek and fell on your palm which was resting on your knees.
Before you knew, he held your hand and you immediately tried to shrug it off but strangely, it felt safe. You wanted to take it off you, wanted to run away. Because all this felt paranormal to you. It reminded you of a little memory from your past which had a great effect on you. You looked in his eyes and he gently squeezed your palm within his hold gazing you worriedly. "We can stop if you-" you cut him off with a shake of your head. You wanted to let go. So you spoke again while he still looked unsure at you.
"Then I grew up silently. The kids in my orphanage always wondered why I was so quite. I used to distance myself away from them. Even they did not had their own parents, but why was it that they were happy but I was not, I wondered." His palm stroked your knuckles and you sucked in a sharp breathe.
"There is a good memory too" you said with a smile and unknowingly he smiled too, a little. "The grandma in my orphanage is the sweetest person I have ever known. She was my best friend you can say. She was always there holding my hand. She sang me lullabies, painted with me, played with me and made me happy. I was the happiest until she passed away."
More tears rolled down your cheeks at the beautiful memory and you don't know where all of it was coming from. You have always been strong, not letting others see your weaknesses but everyone has a limit to it and it was already on the verge for you. The alcohol seems to take the best out of you. You do not even know why you were bringing this up. Maybe you wanted a shoulder right now, you both.
You felt his palm retreating from yours and now wiping off the tears that were gliding down your cheeks. He scooted closer to you and gazed into your orbs with his now glossy eyes. "Trust me, your inner child needs to know that she is not undeserving." Just a sentence he spoke and that's what you ever wanted to hear. That's what you wanted to tell yourself but still were afraid. Because sometimes, even when you know that there is no point being so vulnerable, you have no choice for it.
You nodded, giving him a soft smile as he again took the hold of your hands. This assurance. This was everything. Sometimes, just a little gesture has impacts deeper than the vast oceans.
"But I came up with it as well. I studied till I was eighteen with the funds of the orphanage and immediately started to look for jobs once I was graduated. It was tough to look for jobs. I was unexperienced and afraid to face the world. Even afraid, when something that I could not even imagine happened. It shattered me and-" you hiccuped. This was it, something you feel dreadful about. Something which makes you detach from your surroundings and be the same child you were crying at the corner while others around you were happily playing and giggling.
Your thoughts were interrupted when you felt something warm around you. His embrace. He hugged you and even when you flinched a little, still you wrapped your arms around him. "It's okay, I am here." He whispered in your ear and you felt all fuzzy. You felt safe and comforted. "You are away from the past Y/N so talk it out. Sharing it will actually heal you sweetheart " he said retreating from you and your heart hammered wild in your chest.
He tucked a random strand of your hair behind your ear and with a small smile, told you to continue. You could not help but blush at this, it was scary to have this touch and yet it was so beautiful and safe. This time, he took both of your palms in his and you looked down before looking deep into his eyes. They were chocolate brown, with a mole below one of them. This man was beautiful, ethereal, like a Greek god.
"The way you are holding me Taehyung this is the memory from where the pain starts. You know I told you this man from the morning who held my hands in the morning, it was too a moment I felt afraid. I wanted to be away from that slightest of touch even" you said to which he looked at you confused. "Have it been someone other, I would have ran away from here until now, and I do not know if it's the alcohol, but I am myself surprised to have someone or particularly a man be this close to me after that day..." you stopped.
You took one of your hand away from him, interwining the other with his tightly before taking a hold of the collar of your frock and opening a button, enough to show him something which clenched his heart in pain, in agony.
"...the day this happened" you said, revealing a very deep cut that had covered the entire area below your collarbone. The intensity of which showing how painful it must have been.
Oh the scars, something which makes you feel brave yet the most vulnerable.
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Wow, this was heavy to write. Do tell me your thoughts about it <3 Also, what are your thoughts about Taehyung's pains?
Have a great day ahead ✨️
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𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 𖤐⋆
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