Do you love yourself enough?

stuck

My mind is an absolute war. I could find myself in between finding myself or either just someone who has to keep on trying. It hurts to be the one who always work hard but somehow ended up got lost in translation. I finally ended with school and it's so peaceful somehow knowing that I don't have to be on my table studying anymore. Yet , it's how it feel so weird and somehow  I always get shock with changes. It scares me a lot and dare I would say it can get lonely sometimes. All I could think about doing  the whole day probadly just play games , watch a kdrama and scrolling tiktok. I mean as someone who has dedication I feel like I should've do something that bring me benefit. Some people asked me why I don't get well known as a writer. Well , I've been thinking as well as how much I love writing I just want to keep it as a hobby , keep on improving and I want to make sure I am doing completely well. All this time , I only have the courage to write whenever I face difficult time in life in which they lead into hit rock bottom. I can't focus on doing one thing at a time and that include on something that I truly love. My desire is loving to do things at one time. I mean I love writing but I also love to watch tv shows and explore things as well. Thus, I want to make sure I can manage to survive in this world despite it can be crazy sometimes but I have myself to look into and that's what important. I just hope that my exam result would turns out well despite how hard I work and I want to make sure I become completely me again. Nothing is worth more than that. I want to be there , get there and somehow pass all the tragic I ever experience in life. I read somewhere "your past doesn't define who you are today" so whenever thing go sideways and I don't feel like to live anymore , I believe that I could get there eventually not slow or fast but just fearlessly.