Far Side (Liza- Conrad Crossover)

Never the Good One

Tang*na!
P*tang*na talaga!
Anong kalokohan tong pinasok mo, Conrad!

What are you doing to me, Far Side?
I should be taking your heart without you even knowing it.
I should be able to drop you the moment I said I'm done...
And I'm done... I'm done...

If she thinks she can kiss me... look at me... smile at me like the way she does, then drop me off as she pleases, well, I guess she didn't see this coming.

I downed two glasses of whiskey, neat- then I signed to Red that I'm out. He'd settle the things that needs to be settled here.

Then I find myself running, to where, I was not sure.
All I'm certain is that we barely even started, and I am not a fan of seeing it ends.

———

I took a cab immediately after I saw Conrad dropped that 9-ball.

I was serious when I told him I hope he lose- I just want to look him in the eye the moment that guy Anton win and see for myself how little he regards me for. Maybe after that quick ride, which Im quite certain is not as bad as I initially thought it is, I can sleep peacefully knowing that I am right again.

Two days, a handful of endearments, quick rides- that's all it takes for me to trust him, trust him without question that I, without second thoughts, asked him to kiss me.

I can see that young, naive me who would love whoever would show her attention and affirmation. That hopeful me who would always have her eyes bright, her heart on her sleeves, never scared, never embarrassed whenever she would cut open her heart just to show them that she wants nothing but for them to love her back.

I could see that young me, with tears in her eyes, heartbroken the moment she realized that she was loved as part of a whole, of an idea- and it's never about her. And that she would be dropped whenever the whole can no longer be held together, or the idea being proven wrong. She would be left behind whenever it's convenient, regardless of her. Because it's not about her. Never about her.

Pare-parehas lang sila.
My Mom, Sandra.
My Dad...
Even Tita Mariel.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
Minsan, nakakapagod na rin.

I just want someone to finally choose me, to put me first- not the casualty because I was never the priority. People around me would make decisions without even considering whether Liza would be hurt...

Lucky, I always have me....

I felt that lone tear fell from my eye.
I didn't realize that I'm getting used to this, that I no longer cry a lot.
It was fun while it lasted.

Far Side...
I guess I will forever be in the Far Side without anyone having an idea that half of me has been kept hidden.

I hope someone could find you, Conrad - the missing one.

I hope someone would finally choose me.

——

I was driving around town, not really sure where I'm going. Her words were on loop, playing nonstop inside my head.

Tang*na!
Parang nakaka-g*go lang!

You only bet what you're willing to lose, Conrad.
You only bet what you're willing to lose, Conrad.
You only bet what you're willing to lose, Conrad.

Ten minutes later, I found myself outside that familiar apartment.

G*go lang talaga!

I parked my bike, then dialed her number. It rang three times, then the call was cancelled.