Garden of Words (Compilation) | Completed

16 - Biggest Mistake

Dedicated to: Someone

“What’s up, guys?”

In the sea of faces that filled the lecture hall, Austin came in like a living warning sign.

His confidence surrounded with arrogance. Yet, despite the red flags, I found myself unexpectedly drawn to him.

Boyfriend ko pa nga.

“Hi babe!”

Austin had a way of commanding attention, effortlessly guiding conversations to orbit around him.

Siya nga ang naalala ko sa kanta ni Taylor Swift na ‘Mr. Perfectly Fine’. Aside from her ‘Red’ song.

Lahat ng lyrics na nandoon ay patama sa kanya.

His smile is charming, but there was always a hint of something darker lurking beneath the surface.

“Not here.” I just said.

Halos lahat ng kaklase namin ay nasa amin ang tingin na parang nanonood lang sila ng telenovela.

“Why?” He laughed. “Hindi naman tayo mag-a-ano.”

Napapikit nalang ako sa inis at hiya.

Nagtawanan ang mga lalaki habang ang mga babae namin ay ang sama na ng tingin sa akin. Maraming nagkakagusto sa kanya kaya sa aming dalawa, ako ang mas kawawa.

Hindi ko nga alam ba’t ko pa pinasukan ‘to.

At first, I was just intrigued by his charisma. He seemed to know everyone, effortlessly in and out of social circles with ease.

He complimented my intelligence. Matalino nga ako pagdating sa acads, kabaliktaran naman ito sa pag-ibig.

Siguro totoo nga iyong kasabihan.

Austin:
babe, hindi ako makakapunta. sorry.

He would cancel plans at the last minute, always without an excuse. Kanina pa ako naghihintay sa kainan na sana ang setting ng date namin pero sasabihin lang pala niyang hindi siya makakapunta.

Yet, every time I tried to confront him, he would twist his words, leaving me doubting my own perceptions.

I despised myself why I love someone like him.

I saw the warning signs-the way he would belittle me behind my back, his need for constant pleasure, the way he manipulated situations to his advantage.

But each time I tried to go away, he would pull me back in with promises of change, moments of tenderness that felt like glimpses of the person I wanted him to be.

“Promise, magbabago na ako. Babe, just give me what I want. Kahit ngayon lang. Please? Pareho naman tayong sasaya e.”

Anim na buwan palang kami pero lagi na niyang hinihinging makipagtalik sa akin.

I love him but there’s no way, I would sacrifice my virginity. Not for him. But yeah, I’m too fragile to give it all up.

One night, nakuha niya talaga ako. Hanggang sa nagsunod-sunod. Maybe, every monthsary.

Everytime after making love, there’s a regret in my heart. But even realizing everything, martir parin akong binibigay ang gusto niya.

Kasi nga mahal ko siya.

I knew deep down that I deserved better. Yet, breaking away felt like tearing myself from something addictive, something that had wrapped around my heart and mind.

As I sat in the bedroom, watching Austin peacefully sleeping naked, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of regret.

Regret for ignoring the red flags, for allowing myself to be swept up in the charm of someone who saw relationships as pleasure to be won rather than connections to be nurtured.

Post: (1 hour ago)
sarap ng boyfriend mo

Comments:
Mika: kaninong boyfriend na naman ‘yan gurl?
Gwen: secret pero may clue
Mika: pabulong
Gwen: iyong pogi sa kabilang section.
Mika: hala si au...haha charot
Gwen: hoy!

With that trace of clues. I found myself stalking my own boyfriend’s account. Just to witness how that Gwen and Austin had many interactions.

And when the timing decided to hurt me. His phone buzzed while he’s still sleeping after we make love last night.

Gwen:
another round toms?

Doon na nanikip ang dibdib ko. Hindi na kayang mapigilan ang mga luhang nagsisibuhusan.

Tangina.

Ginagamit lang talaga ako ng lalaking ‘to para i-satisfy ang sarili niya.

Bakit hindi ko man lang naisip ang mga ‘yon. Akala ko ba matalino ako? Nabulag na ako sa pagmamahal ko sa kanya.

The realization hit me like a cold wave crashing over me: I deserved someone who respected me, who valued my feelings, who didn’t manipulate and control. Someone whose presence didn’t come with a constant of uncertainty and unease.

Dear heart, why him?