Somewhere Only We Go (Editing)

Chapter 11

Avinash

When I decided to be in Goa two days before my parents' arrival I did that with just one intention in my mind, to spend time with Kabir. With no pressure of being around my parents or other people who are going to be here starting Monday. Goa has always been special to me. This is one place that isn't tainted. I don't care if my parents didn't treat me like I was their son my brother was dead, or countless other things that went wrong over the years. Whatever peaceful days of my life I can count, each one of them has been in this small bungalow I own. So I wanted to share this small part with Kabir, have this man who is slowly becoming my comfort, in the place that has always been my solace.

Except, things went wrong ever since that meeting with Dad. I have no idea how I got myself home that day, or how I made it to bed. It's a complete blackout. The last thing I remember is being in the elevator and unknotting my tie, because I couldn't breathe. I don't think I have had a panic attack this bad in years. And to top it all off, Kabir knows. Since last evening when we landed in Goa, I have been in and out, because of the medicines. I have been awake for around an hour now and I can already feel a headache. At least Kabir has been more than understanding. I don't know much about what he has been up to since yesterday, I barely know how I made it till today, all I remember is falling asleep with my head in his lap last evening after he forced me to drink soup he managed to order from a café nearby.

Now it's Sunday afternoon, almost 24 hours since we landed in Goa and I don't have the energy to even leave my bed let alone take him anywhere. And for the first time, I am not even trying too hard to get up and move. It's like my body has entirely given up on me and if I wasn't someone who has mastered the art of denial, I would accept that this isn't because of a stupid virus. I have worked through pneumonia once and didn't feel a thing. Normally people will say that's not something you should brag about, but if you meet my family you would know we don't do normal.

The door opens and Kabir enters and I think I have mustered enough energy to get off the bed and wrap my arms around him. But I don't have to since he comes and sits beside me on the bed. "Hey, good you are awake. How are you feeling now?"

I rub my eyes. "I am sorry about this. I wanted us to have a fun time in Goa, hence this weekend and I have ruined it."

"We have seven more days Avi, we can have enough fun, I want you to get better first." He starts caressing my hair.

I groan. "This is the worst time to fall sick."

"Any time is a worse time to fall sick, but if you were going to be sick I am glad it is when I can give you my full attention and take care of you."

My eyes snap open and meet his brown eyes I can stare at for hours without a worry in the world. "Why?"

He pauses for a minute and I think about changing the subject when he says, "Because seeing you in your room lying over the cover all alone felt like someone ripped my heart out." never in my life someone has said anything that came even remotely close to this. I am too shocked to speak so I do the only thing I wanted to. I roll over and bury my face in his lap, wrapping my arms around his waist. I don't know how long we stay like that, Kabir gently rubs my back and I grip him tightly. There is so much that is unsaid between us but right now this is enough.

Later after I ate half a chapatti only because Kabir was glaring at me the whole time and I was half convinced if I didn't eat, he would tie me down to the chair just to shove the food down my throat, we were lying on the couch in the sitting area. Well I am lying on him, he is half sitting. Since the night he came to my apartment, my mind has exchanged bed sheets and blankets for him, which is the biggest reason why I need to put some distance between us.

No matter what he believes or says, one day he will get tired of this. I am too much to handle on a good day, let alone the days I get panic attacks or feel burned out. And I don't want to put him through this. He didn't sign up to become my nurse here in Goa. But even though I want to get up and go out with him I still can't gather the energy so I do the next best thing.

"Want to watch something?" The words must have shocked him more than they shocked me because his hand stopped from where he was rubbing my hands gently. But then his eyes lit up like a kid visiting Disneyland for the first time. "You sure about it?"

I nod. I'll jump off a cliff if it makes you happy.

"Do you have any movie in mind?"

"Uh, I think we can start anywhere considering I haven't watched most of them."

"Since you mentioned it on the flight and we are in Goa, how about Dil Chahta Hai?"

I smile at how obvious his answer is. Does he even know how adorable he is? I am always inspired by people like him, who have gone through some shit in life and still manage to find happiness in the little things. But that also makes me feel weak. "Dil Chahta Hai it is then."

He takes the remote lying on the table. "You know when I first watched this movie it was high on my bucket list to come to Goa before my 25th birthday and visit the locations the movie was shot."

Now I am curious.

"I can't believe I am getting to live it two days before I turn 25." I get up so fast we barely avoid bumping my head to his chin thankfully; we don't need more health emergencies right now.

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Told you what?"

"That it's your birthday on Wednesday."

"Uh I don't know, was I supposed to?"

He looks confused like the idea of someone wanting to know his birthday is something that shouldn't happen. I sigh suddenly more tired than ever. Of course, he wouldn't tell me his birthday randomly especially when I looked closer to death than living these days. I should have checked, it must be on his resume as well. The truth is I didn't think we would last long enough for me to care about his birthday.

"I don't need any more gifts Avi, you have already given me the best gift."

At least I am getting him to live one of his dreams even with my selfishness.

"Now can we watch the movie please?"

We settle on the couch making ourselves comfortable, the movie starts and there is an idea that starts to brew in my mind.  

[Thank you for reading. My babies are finally in Goa and there are going to be cute dates, I have been so excited to get to this part of the story ever since I started plotting. On a side note, happy Holi to everyone who celebrates. Please vote for the chapter, if you liked it and comment, reading those always make my day.]