1. Apologise

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“I was twelve years old when my father tried to burn me alive

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“I was twelve years old when my father tried to burn me alive.”

The crisp paper turns moist as liquid drops drench it. The liquid is my tears that soaks the page.

Red ink scribbles around the sentence as I aggressively press my pen on the paper. I'm afraid I would rip the notebook apart.

With a thud, I close the notebook and wipe my tears with the back of my hands. A suffocating feeling clogs my throat, yet I somehow managed to gulp down the pain.

My heart is remorseless towards my father, yet I cannot manage to write one single awful thing about him. Dheeraj Mehra, the name that sends shivers down my spine, my father that rips away the smile from my face, yet it is impossible for me to even think bad about this human.

I should hate him. Hate him for ruining my life, for taking everything from me, however, The only emotion I have towards him is fear.

My brain is unhinged to the point where I can watch a murder with a straight face, however my father can just look me in the eye and a faint fear creeps in my chest.

There is always a constant fear that perhaps one day he would succeed in his plan to take me down. For forever. For good.

He did attempt to burn me alive, but my stubborn ass was not in my room. I wanted to have an ice cream, so I tiptoed to the kitchen and gulped down a whole ice cream tub, not realizing that my father was lighting my room door on fire.

A 12-year-old greedy for ice cream, Amaira did not know what danger lurks behind her.

The color drained from his face when he found me in the kitchen, later I got a big fat slap because apparently his expensive furniture burned down, and I still didn't die.

Since then, I have not spent a single night at my house.

I begged Kainaat, my best friend, to take me to her house or my dad would kill me. It is still unclear to me how she convinced her parents, but since then, I left Delhi and shifted to Udaipur.

Her parents practically raised me because the humans who were responsible for my existence refused to glance at my face.

But I was happy with Kainaat's family. I missed my brother Ayush, who lived in Delhi with my parents. He did come here for just one year when he was in 11th standard, but My dad called him back.

The year he was here, I felt as if I was free, I had everything. A family that was not mine yet felt like my own.

Since then, I just exist. I am not living, life is not beautiful anymore.

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