Hypegirl 101

♡March 18, 2024♡

ANOTHER ABSOLUTELY HUGE DAY!! Oh my god!!

So let me set the scene; we had a full rehearsal today. A bunch of people I've mentioned so far are in the musical, me, D, M, K, The Treasurer, Witch, B, P, BB, W, and probably more that I'm just forgetting. A few of those specific people are important and you'll find out who shortly.

During rehearsal, there were multiple parts where everyone was all on stage at the same time. One of these times, D came up to me to talk about a conversation she'd just had with... well, again, you'll find out later.

She had a conversation with the person and they were trying to get her to guess who they had a crush on. They told her, "You'll kill me if I told you."

D tried to get me to guess too, saying that she guessed it quickly and that she couldn't tell me directly. Why couldn't she tell me? The person specifically didn't want me to know and D didn't want to betray them.

The above information made me think of K. After all, I'm K's best friend and if someone liked her, they probably wouldn't want me to know. I've mentioned this before, but I also don't have a great track record when it comes to keeping secrets. I asked D if it was her and she said no. Then, I reinterpreted what she said. Why else would someone not want me to know their crush? Maybe they liked another one of my friends, but something inside told me otherwise. Do they like me?

The idea of catching someone's romantic eye is almost completely foreign to me. I haven't had anyone like me since 5th grade and that was a very brief crush before the guy, a best friend at the time, got together with another one of my guy best friends at the time. Eventually, this lead to some people thinking he cheated on the boy with me, but that's a discussion for another day. Only one other person besides him liked me before and that was also very brief.

I got used to the idea that nobody would ever like me like that, which I celebrated since I would never reciprocate feelings. I present myself in a manner that isn't necessarily conventionally attractive either. I'm not afraid to play around with gender expression and a lot of people don't like me because of the way I present myself. There's nothing wrong with being basic, but that's what everyone seems to like.

So, I told D that if it was me, she should just tell me because I don't really care. Well, I do care, but not in a way where I'd hate the person who liked me. I care because it's news to me, almost like an alternate reality. She then looked down, wide-eyed, which confirmed my suspicion that the person she was talking to liked me.

Now, who was the person she talked to? I already knew this, but I kept it a secret the whole time for a reason. Was it B, who just broke up with J and I suspected liked me in the past? Was it P, who told everyone that he liked a choir girl the one day I wasn't in class? Was it W, who's struggling with her sexuality and is aware of my bad track record? Finally, was it K, who told me she liked someone 2 months ago but wouldn't tell me who it was?

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It was P. P is the one with the crush on me. I was right about it not being K, but not in the way I thought. He liked D first, developing a crush on her during fall choir concert rehearsals. At this point, he wasn't in my choir class and was still with the rest of the 7th graders. Then, he developed his crush on me around the time where musical auditions started, which would've been 4 months ago in November. HE HAS LIKED ME FOR 4 MONTHS WHICH ALSO MEANS HE LIKED ME WHILE HE WAS WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. POSSIBLY EVEN BEFORE THEY GOT TOGETHER. He told D that he liked us because of how we didn't care about how others perceived us when it came to fashion.

Really? The one thing about myself that I thought drove people, especially guys, away was the reason P liked me? Actually, scratch that, 4 months or longer means you're in love. He's in love with me. This is the first time anyone has ever been in love with me, let alone a friend. This is reverse unrequited love, kind of like C and F, where I play the role of C and P plays the role of F.

One of the first things D told me after I found out was that P thought I hated him after our orientation conversation last Monday. That's where he found out I was aroace. I immediately told her that I don't hate him and that he's my friend. I wouldn't hate him for falling in love with me. She also told me that she thought he was cute, but that's not really important. What is important is that he's having a sexuality crisis right now.

P feels like he can't ever translate romantic feelings into a relationship, which is probably heightened by him liking me, an aroace girl. He told D that he's only dated girls and has liked both guys and girls, so he definitely swings both ways, but from what I've heard, he can't keep relationships.

As someone who's also dealt with a sexuality crisis, I really want to help him. I never had anyone to guide me through it and I want to guide him through this. I think advice from me, someone who's gone through the same exact thing, will greatly benefit him. I also want him liking me to bring us closer together, not create any kind of rift.