Eclipse of divinity

Awakening To Chaos

I woke with a start, sweat running down my face. It was the worst dream I've ever had. Glancing around my cluttered studio apartment, books lay in odd places, and papers for school were scattered across my desk. I should probably start working on them now, but my mind had other plans. Getting out of bed, I stretched until my body felt loose. I realized my girlfriend wasn't home, which was odd because she's usually here before I wake up. Not dwelling on it, I gathered some clothes and a towel and headed to the other side of my apartment for a shower.

As I made my way across the room, I stumbled over something solid. Looking back after catching myself on the coffee table, I saw it was one of my textbooks titled "Mathematics," just one of the five classes I'm taking in college. I struggled to remember the rest of my courses; my mind was blank this morning, as if some of my memories had been erased. I couldn't recall why I was even attending college or what my end goal was, except for the looming papers I needed to write, thoughts of my girlfriend, and that damned dream.

Entering the bathroom, I stood before the mirror, observing my features. I had short, messy black hair brushed to the side, blue eyes with a gold outline around the pupil, and a fairly average face. Grinning, I examined my teeth, slightly crooked but well-maintained, despite a few cavities. Stripping down, I observed my upper body, noting the slight outline of muscles and scars on my left side from a shark bite years ago and recent ones from a bout of extreme depression. Ashamed, I thought about how I didn't seek help during those episodes, feeling unworthy and not wanting to burden my friends.

Looking back at my tired eyes in the mirror, I realized I needed help for my sleeplessness, but I didn't know where to start or who would understand. People wouldn't comprehend the vividness of my dreams or the presence of the entity I called the Nothing; they'd likely lock me away in a mental hospital and throw away the key.

Pushing aside those thoughts, I turned toward the shower, adjusting the temperature to my liking before stepping in and washing myself. As the warm water cascaded down, I allowed myself a moment of comfort, almost feeling guilty for enjoying it. But in that moment, I found a sliver of joy. After turning off the water, I dried myself off and dressed in a sky-blue tee shirt and black jeans before stepping out of the bathroom.

I walked to the kitchen to make some coffee and grab a bowl of cereal, opting for Frosted Flakes. Approaching the coffee maker, I began brewing and reached for the vanilla creamer from the fridge. As the coffee maker beeped to signal it was done, I realized I forgot to grab the milk for my cereal. Retrieving the milk, I prepared my coffee with two tablespoons of creamer and a teaspoon of sugar, my preferred blend. With breakfast in hand, I headed to the living room to watch the morning news.

Finding nothing of interest on the news except for some rain and a car accident, I turned the TV off and finished my meal. Afterward, I took my dishes back to the kitchen, leaving them in the sink to be washed later. Returning to the living room, I bypassed the couch and headed to the desk in the far-right corner. Pulling out the chair, I sat down and opened my laptop to work on one of the essays due soon.

Preferring to type rather than write by hand, I felt it would be more professional and easier for my Creative Writing teacher, Ms. Lani, who once commented that my handwriting resembled chicken scratch. Her remark had made me question my career choice as an author, but my love for writing persisted. Writing had been my passion since I learned to read, analyzing words and their meanings, exploring what drew people into stories and what they disliked.

Though I had written my first book in high school, I never published it as I lost the drive and the computer it was stored on was stolen. Despite this setback, I eventually regained my motivation and decided to start anew, although I hadn't settled on a topic yet.