TIME AFTER TIME

quattuordecim

FOURTEEN:

"The Devil's Doorstep"

SCARLET.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS EXPLICIT MATERIAL THAT MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR ALL READERS. THE STORYLINE RELATES TO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS AND IN NO WAY CONDONES, ROMANTICIZES, OR GLORIFIES ABUSE. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

(TRIGGER WARNING: R*PE)

I think I'm having a nightmare until I realize I'm awake.

Until I realize I'm terrified. 

I had been telling my feet to move for over half an hour. I needed to shower, stretch, and throw on my fighting gear, which normally took at least an hour. But my body wouldn't move from the bed I tossed and turned in all night. My bed in Hecate Home. My bed in the human realm, my bed that used to be my favorite place, now only reminded me of the last night we had with Mom. I was here sleeping when I should have been protecting her. 

I still couldn't get up. 

The fear didn't make any sense. I had faced worse. I had slept worse. And yet the idea of putting my feet on the ground, to carry me into the bathroom and then into my clothes and down the street to meet Moss, who would lead us into Hell, paralyzed me. I couldn't move. I couldn't stop thinking about Mom, and the more I thought about her, the more I thought about the monster that was fifty percent of my DNA. I would never understand how Mom could sleep with Him. Benedict. I had no memory of him, except for the memory of asking Mom to take away my memories of him. I wanted nothing to do with him. 

What was I supposed to think of the man who was so horrible I asked my Mom to take away my memories? If I was expected to grieve, who was I supposed to grieve? What difference did it make if he were in my life or not? Everything felt the same. Everything felt fine. Or at least I thought so. Was he the reason I felt so shitty? Or just one reason?

"Take it away!" I remember sobbing to Mom at a young age. "I don't want to remember him."

"Are you sure, sweetie?" She asked wearily, "I won't do it if you aren't sure y"-

"TAKE HIM AWAY!" I screamed with fury I had not unlocked since that day.

The more I thought about him, the heavier I felt and the comfier my bed became. I sighed and rolled over, pulling my comforter to my chin. 

I should have slept over at Anubis' like he offered last night. I shouldn't have told him I wanted to be alone. But after our short-lived argument with Aunt Pearl - us telling her we were leaving, her demanding we think about the consequences, us reminding her that we needed to help Mom, her demanding we stay, blah blah blah - we knew it was best to leave Oasis before the full moon. If Anubis were here, he'd get me out of bed. He'd probably get in the shower with me and wash my hair. He'd know how to get my body out of the bed. 

I looked at the clock. I only had twenty-seven minutes now. No time for a shower and a good stretch. A necessary, good stretch, seeing as though I didn't know what we'd be walking into. Salem swore "recon only," but that never rid the possibility of battle. Or, at the bare minimum, a necessary sprint. We didn't know much about Spartacus' terrain; there could be climbing, crawling, or swimming. Another sigh pours out of me.