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God, it was so difficult to even listen to Winnie speak. How could he be so positive- so optimistic? In the past, Augustine knew he would've found it endearing- even if he wasn't one to voice his emotions so quickly. Winnie's optimism had been a strange sense of comfort, the fact that there was always a bright side present if Winnie could find it. But now? Augustine suppressed a shudder of disgust, it was all just so fake- it had to be fake.
He continued to listen on, deciding to ignore the praise of finding the lighter like he's some child who needed praise to keep trying in school. He took notice of Winnie trailing off with his words at the idea of Augustine dying. Was he holding it in how joyful that thought must've made him? Augustine was almost impressed that Winnie could maintain such a facade with almost zero cracks showing through.
He was just so happy and it was pissing Augustine off. "I'm- I'm fine," he pressed out, doing his best to swallow down the words that he wanted to spit out at Winnie, it wasn't time just yet to even confront that mess of emotions. "A few bruises will show in a few days but really, its nothing." How could you have dropped me down here? he thought bitterly, staring at Winnie. "Glad you found fuel, at least we can finally get out of here."
Augustine felt that deep longing within him, to just trust Winnie. But he knows that that is what Winnie practically trained him to do, some trained response to put his guard down and trust him without a second thought. He decided to just play it cool for now, he wouldn't voice any concerns just yet.. he would just play along to the best of his ability- even if he was never a perfect actor.
"Are you alright?" Augustine asked, the fake sincerity feeling sour on his tongue. "You must be freezing.."
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"Oh- yeah no I'm definitely still freezing." He chuckled a little, awkwardly.
"It's not as bad though because we're inside! Even though it is still snowing in here... somehow." His voice trailed off, but he quickly moved on.
"Anyway! Since we're both safe now, we should head downstairs! The sooner we get to the car the better!!" He exclaimed brightly, still trying his hardest to lighten the mood. He truly couldn't tell if it was working though, and to say it bothered him would be an understatement.
Winnie wasn't sure if it was a problem with him, or if it was a personal problem with Augustine, or maybe both? He shouldn't worry about Augustine so much like this but- how could he not? To Winnie, Augustine was like his other half, and he cared and worried for him almost more than himself. He tried to help as much as he could, whether it was detrimental to himself in the end or not. Though Augustine never voiced his concerns openly with him very often, so he was never truly sure when he needed the comfort.
"I'll wait for you out here when you're ready, okay?" He gave him a soft, genuine smile before walking out, making sure to glance back at Augustine's face before going down the first set of stairs. Maybe Augustine just needed a moment to himself? He wasn't sure, and that's what bothered him. He was so hard to read sometimes, and he never really knew what was wrong, and it made him feel guilty at times.
Maybe they should talk about that.
They have a lot of things to talk about actually after being here. This whole experience so far has made him realize a few things, and he wasn't sure how to feel or go about them yet.
Winnie let out a soft sigh, standing on the floor between the first two sets of stairs. He set the gas can next to him against the railing as he looked down to the first floor from atop the last set of stairs. Looking down them made him realize just how steep they really were, he remembered it taking him a long time to get used to them when first moving in. The thought made him smile, making him think back to the day him and Augustine first met. Though, it was rather quickly followed by a pang of sadness in his chest. Usually he'd love thinking back to these memories, but why did it feel so... upsetting now? He couldn't place his finger on it exactly, maybe he should bring that up, too.
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Augustine held back the urge to scoff at Winnie's slight concerning tone. "I'll be out in a second." he muttered, not necessarily caring to project his voice to make sure Winnie actually heard him. His thoughts were still running... what should he even do? Does he just continue following Winnie like a lost puppy or should he actually take a stand for himself and do something about it!
As he heard Winnie's footsteps back away, Augustine took a deep breath, trying to soothe his nerves and- since when were his hands trembling? Maybe it's just cold. He flexed his fingers into a fist and then an open palm, and decided to shrug it off. He stuffed both of his hands into the pockets of his winter coat, feeling the cold metal of the lighter there as well. He waited a few moments, before deciding he should get on with it and move , the faster they get to the car, the faster this hell will be over.
The faster he can properly talk to Winnie.
Augustine was practically stewing- drowning in both anxiety and anger as he walked out of the strange replica of Winnie's room. It almost felt wrong to be here, it felt wrong to be so angry inside these walls. This home was once a second safe haven, where he would spend most of his hours after elementary school when he's parents were busy. Or their parents would just keep them together and have them look after each other while they went out. Augustine remembered the countless hours he's spent here, eating, sleeping, living in it like it was his own home. If Augustine could meet his younger self, he'd tell him just what a snake Winnie truly was, how he was going to ruin his life.
Augustine slowed down as he approached the top of the staircase, noticing Winnie just standing there- just before the second flight of stairs. "....." He should say something, he should definitely say something or otherwise he's going to lose his chance.
"What's wrong?" Augustine asked, his tone losing its act of sincerity, tension lining his words. "Did you freeze over?" he furrowed his brows a bit, forcing a laugh past his lips, taking his time to go down the first small flight of stairs. He absentmindedly thought about hearing that you shouldn't walk down the stairs with your hands in your pockets, frankly though right now he knew he had bigger problems at stake. "Or are you just... reminiscing?" He asked, slowing his pace as he reached the same break between staircases as Winnie.
This exact position is what he remembered, the turning point in their friendship from last winter. The Accident. Augustine somehow managed to block the details out of his mind until now, he remembered what happened. He wondered if Winnie was remembering it all too, after all, he was the one who was being dragged out of his home in an ambulance. An ambulance that I didn't call.. that guilt still ate at his stomach, but he can't dwell on that now. Augustine is not letting Winnie win once more.
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"Hm?" Winnie snapped out of his thoughts, turning towards the sound of Augustine's voice.
"Oh! Yeah, I guess!" He replied, still wearing his cheerful smile.
"I was just thinking back to when we first met!"
Additionally, he would've added that he was thinking about the winter as well when he fell right at this very spot but... he felt like it wouldn't be a good time for that, definitely not now where things felt so tense between them. He wanted to say more, more on how his little coma theory and the fact this looks exactly like his house when they moved in but- something told him that Augustine wanted to speak instead of him.
Winnie could hear the tension in Augustine's voice as he was being spoken to. The words themselves seemed to be sincere and casual, but the undertone portrayed the complete opposite. It unnerved him, not being able to tell Augustine's intentions behind them. Why was he acting so weird since they got here?
It really began to bother him. Augustine's been a bit more snappy and cold than normal... Was Winnie the cause of that? He wasn't sure. Did Augustine blame him for them ending up here? He didn't know either. There were just so many questions and so many concerns he had that he just- didn't know how to ask yet. Everything between them seemed to just get dumped onto them at once and he didn't know if Augustine is noticing them too, if he's blocking them out, or if he just hasn't taken notice of it yet?—
No, he's thinking too many things at once. He needs to slow down.
They can both address this when they talk... yeah.
YOU ARE READING
The Cooling of The Fire and The Melting of The Ice
FanfictionAugustine learns what helps to quell the burning fire of anger and impulse inside him Winnie learns what helps to melt away the cold isolation and loneliness within him ___ A currently ongoing RP with me and a friend! This is.. admittedly my first t...