The Cooling of The Fire and The Melting of The Ice

6. What Do We Do?

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Augustine was practically soaking up every ounce of physical touch he could. It felt like he's been starved of it his whole life, despite being the one who typically shy'd away from such gestures. Augustine was most definitely relieved to know that despite his anger- his flaws that he typically hates about himself- there would be someone who would hold him.

Anger was always such a comforting and simple emotion for Augustine to understand. It was easier than the guilt of longing to be near someone, it was easier to swallow than anxiety hoping that the person of his interest looks his way and talks to him.

Augustine couldn't believe he was searching for a reason to hate Winnie. When there really was no reason to be upset at all.

The past year had been filled with so much tension, so much distant longing. This moment now- everything was being lifted off of his shoulders.. the fact that he could face Winnie without feeling so many complicated emotions- well negative emotions. The complicated part still stuck, but Augustine decided that he wasn't going to linger on that and focus on hugging Winnie and keeping him close. Just like he did when they were young to keep Winnie from crying.

"I.." Augustine took a shaky breath, trying to maintain his composure. "I'll be alright," he whispered softly, knowing that at the very least Winnie will be able to hear him. "I'm just..."

".... I can't believe it took this happening for us to talk." He muttered, he wasn't concerned about his brain to mouth filter- frankly he was too exhausted to think about it. And he knew Winnie was a person he could trust- a second safe home.

"I'm such a-awful crier, sorry.. about your shirt," he mumbled, still not moving away from Winnie's shoulder. He could definitely see how this can calm a person down, it was nice- it grounded him.

".. god I'm so sorry " he apologized again. "I've just been so jealous and stupid and.... Im okay, at least now I'm okay I think." He added with a little chuckle, he was weak from the recent events but....

"I think I could fall asleep.." Augustine mumbled, maybe the cold was getting to him. Or maybe it's been a long time since he's cried his eyes out over something like this. He typically never allowed himself to think or stow about his emotions on Winnie for longer than he needed. He typically covered it up with anger and accusation rather than dwell on the past.

".. I think younger me would've killed me if he saw what I nearly pulled off." He added, trying to at least joke about the situation to ease his growing guilt in his gut.

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Winnie held such a strong feeling of guilt in him for this entire situation. Getting trapped here, their friendship breaking and drifting apart... everything. Even though he was told directly by Augustine that it wasn't his fault, why did it still feel like it was? Though he did believe at some point that Augustine definitely blamed him for all of this. Just like with being told it wasn't his fault, just minutes before that, it was the opposite, getting scorned by his best friend that everything was his fault, and he didn't know which side to really believe.

Sure, Augustine wasn't in the greatest state of mind when accusing him of being the fault of everything, especially compared to how much he's calmed down now since then. But, some part of him feels like that just really is how Augustine feels about him. He essentially was the catalyst for everything, wasn't he? He was the one who started it, stealing his friends away, being awarded for the things Augustine was working towards before him, pushing him away... intentional or not, he did it, and that was the problem. He wasn't really sure how to feel, maybe he could ask about it later. If he does, he just hopes he's told the truth.