Dude, I Kissed Your Mom! (DISCONTINUED)

24. 💋

I was thinking of ways to kill myself...or at least ways to get myself sick so that I won't have to go to school today. Google wasn't offering much and YouTube had given me a few ideas like licking door knobs and maybe the toilet seat because germs seem to take solace in such places, with fruitful results . One thing for certain is that there's literally no way I was going to bend down to lick any toilet seat. I'm not that desperate.

Actually, I kind of was.

The impending anxiety attack I was about to suffer made me feel all nauseous , stomach churning violently in dire need of some bathroom relief in the form of explosive diarrhea. My heart rate increasing exponentially aggravating the already worsening stomach ache.

And I tossed and turned in bed like a chicken rotisserie , occasionally stealing fearful glances at my alarm clock as it draws nearer and nearer to the time of my waking. I really dreaded my morning alarms, dodged them three times before reluctantly heeding to its demands of having to face the idea of leaving my bed and into the painfully boring day's events.

Today, I not only dreaded the sound of the alarm which was scheduled to blare in the next two and half hours , but also the fact that I was going to spend half the day in the presence of Amanda. Usually, the idea of getting to see her was what motivated me to jump out of bed and ready myself for school but not after what happened yesterday. God, I screwed up!

She probably hates me.

Why did I have to blurt out to her about the private conversation she had with mom on her sex life?

Knowing how good women are when it comes to holding grudges, I'd bet big bucks on the possibility of her still mad at me. Our relationship isn't going to be the same , not after yesterday's events. She'll probably tell my father about it and maybe even throw in the fact that I was doing drugs at school. She pointed out the fact that I was high, which led to me exposing the secret of me overhearing her talking to mom about having trouble masturbating.

I should've just kept quiet. Should've clamped my motor mouth and just shrugged it off.

Which is why I dreaded the idea of waking up, especially today.

I needed a solution. Licking door knobs? That won't get me sick instantly, maybe a few days later. I had to get sick with immediate effect. Like , right now. Or maybe in the next two hours.

I can't fake it considering the glaring fact of how terrible I am at acting.

I could drink some detergents....or raw eggs...I don't know?

Another Google search brings me to a Wikipedia page or more accurately , a Quora page with the obvious discussion on How to get a fever overnight .

Bingo!

**************************************

"Oh dear! You're really burning!"

Mom had the palm of her hand resting atop of my forehead, feeling me up for a fever, which I currently had, thanks to the jobless perverts behind the walls of the Quora platform. I tried to act sickly, throwing in a few coughing fits here and there and a weak groan before sniffling back the snort that threatened to slide down my nostrils.

A thermometer was fitted inside my mouth , under my tongue. Mom was staring at me with this maternal sympathetic look, raking her fingers through my untidy hair and right there and then I knew that I was nailing this.

The thermometer dings and she reaches out to gently pull it out of my mouth before reading it.

"Wow...106F ," She lets out a devastated sigh. " I think you might need to stay home from school today, Teddy Bear."