Right love, wrong time

Chapter 9: The Boardroom

Lisa

This is going to be a long day. I did not sleep well at all. I kept tossing and turning, my mind all wrapped up in the sexy god that stood between my legs yesterday. The heat radiating through his body to mine. The thoughts that ran through my head, all under the belt of course, cause for some reason when his around my mind cant think straight. If my father could hear my thoughts right now, he would drag me to church.

Those hands were so soft and strong. His eyes soft with a mystery hiding behind them, a darkness I could not explain. He did not speak much, I felt so uncomfortable. Not to mention the drive home, that took forever. I could feel his eyes on me. Maybe I was just imagining it. Maybe it was my own desires for this man, taking over my senses and imagine things. That sounds more like me.

I decided the outside view was better, better than my anxious heart and racing mind. The coldness of the window calming my nerves, something I seemed to be doing a lot lately, the windows cold seem to have become my solitude in times of need. Its as if the coldness creates a sense of being connected to something other than my anxious heart, a freedom my body craves, craving to be set free, a calmness in stressful situations. A sense of belonging, being in the moment, grounded, feeling your emotions and feelings, instead of ignoring them. Experiencing the experience in front of you and not running away from them. Some would say I relate to the coldness, because my heart is hard and cold, like ice, stopping anyone trying to enter. But what they don't understand is, that hurt has created the monster reflecting at me, every time I look in the mirror. The icy heart was created by others. Others who hurt me. Others who broke me. It protects me from hurt, disappointment and expectations. I would choose this icy heart any day over the torturous past I had to endure.

Lying in bed I struggled to get up, I was tired, I did not get much sleep and my energy was running low. Motivating myself I finally got out of bed. I didnt want to be late not on the second day of work. I quickly took a shower and decided on what to wear for the day. This time I decided on something more comfortable but still elegant enough for work. I settled for black trousers, red button-down shirt, keeping the top buttons open, revealing a small cleavage just for some flare. I was feeling very adventurous today and then my go to high heels. I limited the jewellery, I was not one for jewellery anyway, but I didnt want to ruin the look. I decided to pare it with a black suit jacket, just in case it gets cold, but deep down I got the feeling it is for much more than that, perhaps an extra barrier between me and this man. I do not know why, but in my mind, I needed it.

I opted for minimal make up. An elegant updo hairstyle with small curls hanging out here and there. And if I have to say so myself, I look damn good.

I only ate some yogurt and granola. I was in a rush and didnt have to prepare something fancy, not that I would have anyway. I know I should eat better, but Im just not a breakfast person. I hate breakfast in bed, especially if its eggs and bacon. I know Im weird, but who wants to be normal anyway.

I grabbed my bag and book and off I went. Its always busy this time of the day and I hate driving in the traffic, so I opted for the bus. This way I dont have to drive myself and I would not be a burden to anyone else, having to ask for a lift. I hate burdening others with my things. I would rather choose to do things on my own or nothing at all. I learned at an early age that you cant rely on anyone. At some point they are going to disappoint you. Again, I find myself leaning to the window, the cold hitting my skin. I didnt even read my book. My mind simply didnt want to stop thinking about a certain person, so all I could do was close my eyes, listen to the music playing softly through my ear pods and wait until I reached my destination. Just thinking about the office is making my stomach turn. Why am I so nervous? I know its because I made a complete fool of myself yesterday and then to have the boss drive me home. That took the cake. I just dont know what to expect, I guess. What if I do something stupid again? I really need this job, but all I seem to be doing is digging my own grave to be fired.