Star Wars- A Jedi's Journey One: The Padawan's Struggle

Chapter Eight

I shook, as the rest of the world came sprinting back to me. What have I just done?! My healing senses filled the empty space my anger had occupied. He was alive. Barely. I staggered away from the unconscious Youngling in front of me. I couldn't look at him. Knowing how much damage I had caused made me sick to my bones. A heap of Jedi, adults and non-adults, stormed out of the backstage rooms. Sand and dust-clouds tracing after every one of them. Every part of me wanted to kneel down beside him, but the army of Padawans, knights and masters were keeping me away. Most stood between he and I, which was, I supposed, a logical choice. He laid so very still. "Youngling Moon, you are hereby disqualified from this Padawan tournament". A brisk voice said with a peculiar accent. I almost didn't register the words. It felt as if they simply drifted by me. My throat was aching with the whining sounds I was holding back. I almost became a murderer. I gasped, when I realized that. I almost took a life. I tried to take deep breaths, reminding myself that I hadn't killed someone. Just knocked them unconscious. My guilt gnawed at me. I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the scenery in front of me. Trying to ignore the body that was tattooed onto the backs of my eyelids. I couldn't. I failed at this too. "Youngling?", I heard a voice say. I couldn't tell who spoke over the noise of all those people. The call could be addressed to almost 50% of the people in my vicinity. I stood almost shoulder to shoulder with an incredibly large amount of people. Maybe Youngling Starrl had woken? I knew immediately, of course, that I was wrong. I was hyper aware of every injury I had inflicted on Youngling Starrl. "Aayla?". No, the call was adressed to me. I opened my eyes slowly to see Master Drime and Aaron standing in front of me. Aaron's eyebrows were bunched together. When we got eye contact, he pulled me in for a short hug, seemingly sensing I needed it. "You worried me there for a second, Aayla", Aaron said. "I-I'm fine", I really wasn't, but he didn't need to know that. My healing senses tinkled and I froze, then started in the direction of the still unconscious Youngling Starrl, furious again. This time, I was mad at myself. I had been standing idle like a moron, when I could have done something about his current state. I'm a healer, for the galaxy's sake! I shoved some Jedi out of my way in an effort to get to my unconscious patient, uttering several 'excuse me's and pardons. I passed several rows of people, before getting close enough to see the scene around the Youngling. Master Kenobi kneeled by Youngling Starrl's side, studying the rise and fall of the Youngling's chest, his one hand raised holding a comm-device. When I made it to the second or third row, someone refused to move out of my way, stating it was not a good idea to let the aggressor close to the victim. He was objectively right, even if I wanted to shout at him. I struggled to find another way, and at last I found my way to the middle of the labyrinth. "Is the healer coming?", asked Master Plo Koon, who stood somewhere behind him. I shoved my shoulder past a towering silhouette. The movement caught the two Masters' attention. Master Plo Koon immediately moved over to me. Probably trying to prevent me from getting any closer. "Youngling Moon?", he said, clearly questioning my intentions. He attempted to achieve eye contact with me, but I avoided it like the plague. I didn't want to see his frustration or even worse, his disappointment with me. "I, uhm... You were waiting for a healer". Why thank you, captain obvious, what a genius statement. Master Plo looked incredulous. I took a deep breath. "I can heal him, if you would just let me". I could tell my voice sounded pleading. I should look into his eyes, but I couldn't, my eyes were fixated on Youngling Starrl. I could, however, see Master Plo shake his head out of my peripheral vision. "I'm afraid, we can't let you near him", his response sounded. My heart dropped, even as I told myself, he was just acting rationally. But, my healing senses pounded inside, and I just couldn't ignore my instinctual response. Healing energies pushed at my mental barrier, insisting on being let out. I wanted to let them out. I wanted them to find their target and execute their mission. Fighting them was gnawing up the rest of my already dwindling energy reserves. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened, just please let me heal him". My healing energies felt as though they were desperately fleeing from me. The world around me felt wavy. As though I was underwater. I could barely hear myself. The noises coming out of me sounded distant. I felt someone's hand on my shoulder, and a blurry figure slowly began to come into focus right in front of me. "Youngling Moon", someone called. The world tilted too much when I nodded. Nausea crept up my spine. I gradually started to be able to make out the motif surrounding me. Master Drime now stood in front of me. A green hue had fallen over the room. I blinked. I realized the light came from me. Youngling Starrl jerked upright. He stared at me. I stared back. My healing energies jumped from me to him. The gate inside had been opened and the healing energies rushed to him, even as I mentally put my whole weight against the gate in a miserable attempt to stop healing Youngling Starrl before I fainted on the spot. "Aayla Moon", Lon Drime called again. "Yes?". I was busy with my mental landscapes, trying to close the stupid gateway to my healing energies' reserve. Master Drime shook me. "Come on, we gotta go. The tournament isn't over yet. Come join us on the stands". He turned me by the shoulder and walked me towards the door. I looked into his purple eyes. He didn't need to say it; The tournament isn't over, but my participation in it is. I was done here. Done. I couldn't continue. I was not getting a second chance. I understood them. Objectively, they couldn't have acted differently. I had injured my opponent to the point where Master Plo Koon and Master Kenobi had called for a healer. I had, for a moment, thought, I had killed Youngling Starrl. Done. The word echoed through me. My eyes adjusted to the dim light of the circle-periferi shaped room full of staring, disbelieving Jedis. In the reflection of their eyes I saw a small, brown-haired girl surrounded by a halo of green light. I stumbled on something. The world spun. Arms caught me, before I hit the floor. "Aayla?". Aaron. I got a quick glimpse of his facial expression, before I fainted.