A Change of Heart

Chapter 25

It's a quiet night on the road. I've only seen a few cars pass by. My windows are open to keep my car from feeling stuffy. I'm driving over to deliver yet another package.

I didn't dare to even think about talking to someone once 7pm hit. I went straight to the door and went into my car. I'd gotten enough injuries from him. Ok, maybe they aren't really injuries, but they hurt like injuries.

I have officially become afraid of that man. It's only by God's grace that I haven't delivered anything to him for an entire week. Sadly, God doesn't make your problems go away. He helps you overcome them or gives you a break in my case.

I drive through his neighbourhood. Nobody's lights are on. The streetlights are dim. It almost looks dead.

I stop at his house and take out the package. I place it on his porch, the atmosphere around his house feels suffocating, and cold. I head back into the security of my car. I want to get out of here as fast as I can.

I drive back to my house. The roads are still quiet. I go into my house and get ready to sleep. There'll never be a day I come back to my house not tired. I fall onto my bed and drift off to sleep.

"Howard, you should find better ways to speak with me than getting into trouble," Joanna explains. How else does she think I can talk to her? Wait 2 hours for her to leave work? Send an email she'll probably ignore? Joanna doesn't read her employees emails expecting them to be complaints. If Joanna had been in good shape to go through her emails when she was sick, she'd probably have deleted mine.

"I was wondering if you were doing anything this Friday," I say. I want her to say no, but also to say yes.

"No," she answers. That's good, but also bad.

"Would you like to go bowling?" I ask. Yes, I just asked a millionaire to go bowling. Joanna seems just as surprised as I expected her to be.

"I guess... it wouldn't kill me to indulge in... commoner fun," she answers. She says it like it's a disease. It kind of irritates me.

"Be ready at 10," Joanna says. I nod, hoping I didn't make a mistake asking her to have 'commoner fun.'

"I'll still be punishing you for 'sleeping' on the job. You'll be getting half of your salary next month," Joanna explains. A lot of her punishments include taking away your salary completely or giving you a pay cut. I now wish I just sent her an email. 

Joanna dismisses me and I go back to my cubicle. After work I head back home. It's Sunday today, so I'm going to watch the sermon.

At home, I message Becky. I need her to give me the recipe for mom's chicken stir fry. Mom gave her a recipe book of all her best dishes. She didn't make me one because she refuses to believe I can cook.

When I was 16, mom let Becky and I make dinner. We chose spaghetti and meatballs. Becky put me in charge of the spaghetti because the taste of the pasta doesn't matter as much. I boiled the water and put the spaghetti in. It was a disaster.

Not only did I burn the spaghetti (and evaporate all the water) I had mistaken the sugar for salt and dumped a bunch of it in for flavour. Now, mom thinks I always order food or microwave frozen meals (which I do, but not all the time). I keep telling her I've learned how to cook, but she thinks I say it just to prove that I'm an adult.

Me: Hey Becky, can you send mom's recipe for stir fry.

Becky: Sure, don't burn anything.

Me: 😒

Once I get the recipe, I make the stir fry. I sit on the couch and open the recording. Today Pastor John is talking about a very common topic, loving others.

"Matthew 22, verse 37 to 39 says, 'And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbour as yourself.' Loving God is the key to loving others. When we feel His love, it should inspire us to show love to others. Now, it's easy to love others, unless they've done something to us. Unforgiveness is something we all struggle with. I'm still mad at my brother for eating my cupcake from my classmate's birthday in 5th grade.” I chuckle.

“We need to understand though, that we have all eaten someone’s cupcake, God's. We've all sinned before, it's human nature. God knows that too, so He forgives us for our shortcomings. If it's human nature to sin, why do we seem to expect perfection from humans? We see someone being mean and think “How dare they?” Yes, how dare they. But how dare we act as if we're any better?”

“We should follow the standard God sets. And that's to accept those who do wrong. We show them appreciation and respect even if they don't seem to care. Cause maybe one day, when all has been lost, they'll think about that one person who loved them. When the world hates us, we remind ourselves of God's love. And others deserve to know that love when the world hates them too.”

“You don't have to make them your friend. But, just treat them as they are, human.”

I feel like I've been slapped in the face. This word is obviously for me. I have forgiven many people, except one. I've sworn to hate her and always think about how terrible she is. What if under all that power and money, there is a person who's hurting?

It's hard to actually remember that she's also a person, when she treats everyone like dirt. It infuriates me. But, I wouldn't want to live with myself knowing that if she were to lose everything, there could be no one that loved her.