The Real Housewives of St Pancras

Untitled Part 1

Robin had been to the local Spar, on the off-chance that they would have some nails for his wall, but they didn't have, so he got some chocolate. Chloe had texted him - "w r u?" - and when he met her she was showing distinct signs of puzzlement.

'Did you notice someone who looks like Emma Watson, only different?', she said.

'Hi, Chloe. No, I can't in all honesty say....no. Different how?'

'Her head didn't seem somehow to go with the rest of her body', said Chloe.

'A lot of people's heads are like that. That guy on the market has got the strangest head I've ever seen'

'Yes, but I saw three in different places.....not three heads, three Emma Watsons. Obviously they all had heads, but they all looked weird'

'Maybe they're all having a bad-hair day that is so unbelievably crap that it forces them to think "at least we are in Stroud, by sheer chance. It's like a festival of bad hair. We may go unnoticed"'

'Take this seriously, please, it won't kill you. It was her, or them, believe me, but what I don't understand is that they were all wearing different clothes. One of them was in a bikini top and briefs. Very small briefs. You could only just see them'

'Oh look Chloe, there's your imagination scampering off down the road, can you see it? There it goes, past Jessica's house. Try some of this Aero, it's avocado flavour. I don't know what to make of it, see what you think'

'No thanks, I had a burger from that burger place on whatsisname street opposite where Woolworth's used to be.....oh, all right then, I'll have a bit. That's enough. No, that's fine. Where was I? Oh yes. Listen to me. I think Emma Watson is cool, right, but she hasn't got a body like that bikini one. She had far bigger tits, and her head was frightening. Emma Watson's head isn't frightening. Her head is nice'

So....in other words, there's no way it was Emma Watson at all, that's what you are saying. That is what you were saying, isn't it?'

'Kind of. But it was definitely Emma Watson'

'Chloe, I love you to bits, and I'll totally come to see you when they lock you up'

'Look, you said you'd trust me, right? It was Emma Watson, I swear. Don't look like that, I'm not mad. It sounds mad, I do understand that, but it isn't. I thought I saw Selena Gomez, as well, but I couldn't be sure about that'

'Selena Gomez?', said Robin.

'Couldn't be sure'

'I haven't seen the local paper. Maybe it's the day when the whole town gets dressed up in Emma Watson masks for charity?'

'Don't take the piss, weird chocolate head. I know what I saw'

'Look at it from my point of view, Chloe......oh, fuck me.....'

Coming up the road from Stroud towards them was an extremely odd person.

'See what I mean. That is definitely Selena Gomez.....sort of'

He had to admit that it did appear to be Selena Gomez, in a sports bra and pixie boots and nothing else apart from three rings in her navel, various other piercings and some fairly extensive tattoos. She had a really impressive cock.

'Umm.....oh dear', said Robin.

'I don't like this one bit, Robin'

'Her head is creepy. It feels like it's fixed on to her body in an unnatural way. I don't think it's Selena Gomez, Chloe. She wouldn't have got her career off the ground if she looked like that'