Teachers Tapestry

Twenty-six

I fucked up. Badly.

This shoot is still going and im stressed. I need to talk to Collette as soon as possible.

She doesn't deserve this. She deserves more than what I did.

After Zara finished she changed out of the clothes and everyone else went away.

Talia said that soon the images would be up on the website and she'd let me know. She also said they came out perfectly but she expects nothing less from Zara.

Soon it was only Zara left while I put the room back together.

"Do you want to go out?" Zara asked me with a smile as she came back to me.

"Zara listen. The kiss—"

"Don't say it Val. It was good. It was like us. Don't say it." She said softly.

"Zara you hurt me badly and I fear I'm hurting someone else too. It's not fair. It never should've happened. It's unfair, not to only me for allowing myself to fall back into what once hurt me but also to her. She deserves more than this." I said firmly.

"Then why would you kiss me?"

"A moment of familiarity, I guess. The whole thing was wrong." I ran my hands through my hair.

"Seriously Val? I say all that stuff to you and you can't give me another chance? A chance to do things right with you? I meant every word and it means nothing to you? I mean nothing to you?" She asked me annoyed.

"No Zara, in all honesty. No it didn't. I'm glad you owned up to your mistake but I don't deserve that, I can't be thrown back into something with you. I'm afraid you'll do it all again." I said just as annoyed at her.

"I wouldn't. I fucked up okay. I know that. But it was us, chaotic and messy but also blissful in our way."

"I don't want chaotic and messy. Not again. I want something serene and someone who I can trust wholeheartedly. Someone who isn't chasing a thrill." I raised my voice slightly.

"Who is she?" She asked annoyed and irritated.

"No one of your interest Zara."

"Is she good? Is that why you can't give us another go?" She asked me

"I can't give us another go because I deserve more. I deserve the person who told me that if you even had the nerve to cheat, you were never mine in the first place. I deserve her. But because of you I don't think she even deserves me." I grit through my teeth.

"I was always yours. You know that. Is she good? Does she do to you what I can?" She asked raising her voice.

"She does it even better." I said angrily.

"Fuck you Valentina. Fuck you. I was trying, I was owning it and you can't acknowledge it. Fuck you." Zara said and tears filled her eyes.

I felt bad but I didn't care much. I couldn't care.

"Did you acknowledge that you were hurting me while you were buying her flowers? And chocolate and jewellery? All the shit you never once got me? Did you acknowledge you were hurting me then?" I shouted and she reminded silent.

"I didn't think so." I added.

"I'm trying Val." She said as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"I don't care Zara, I loved you. With everything in me and you hurt me. I was ready to put my life on hold for you but you wouldn't do the same for me. Instead you were having anniversaries and dates with someone else. Buying her stuff you never once got me." I said.