Teachers Tapestry

Thirty-six

Thursday morning and it's thanksgiving.

On Wednesday Colton's son came, my grans parents came, and Colton's family came. My grandma and Colton's mom have been making things since last night. I don't have any cousins who live close by and we don't visit them anymore since my mom passed away.

Anyways this morning Colton went a got my dad. I haven't spoke to him much. Mainly out of fear.

He looks well though, like he's getting better. And the only talking even been having is small talk. Almost like it's insignificant.

So he's spent the morning talking to Colton or talking to my grandad.

I've just kind of sat by myself all morning.

I used to love Thanksgiving, I'd spend the day before baking with my mom and the day of we'd cook together even if it meant me just eating everything she made while I sat on the counter. I used to love the days leading up to it too. My cousins would come and I'd see all my family.

Now it's just us three most of the time.

"Letty, why are you here all by yourself?" My grandma asked me as she walked into the sunroom where I was sat.

It's a hidden area, away from everyone else.

"Just tired and all." I lied to her.

"Oh darling, well, how's school?" She asked taking a seat with me.

"It's been okay. Nothing too stressful yet but I think that's just because it's senior year and all." I shrugged and she sighed.

"I know the holidays are hard without her here Letty. I miss her too. Why don't you come help me in the kitchen, we can make the custard tart together. I already made the filling last night." My grandma said softly.

I nodded and followed her to the kitchen.

I hate to say it but I lightened up a bit after I did some stuff with my grandma.

Time flew by after that. I still didn't talk much to my dad.

The vibe in the house was cozy and smelt like pumpkin pie and cinnamon, even if it was raining outside it was nice.

Soon we sat down for dinner and everyone was talking and we all had a laugh. For a few moments I even forgot about all my worries.

I forgot about Valentina, my dad being home, even my hand. It was a nice feeling.

"So Letty, are you dating anyone?" My dad asked from across the table.

"Ollie, let me tell you when I say she has been knocking people off their feet." Colton said

"Oh really? Then you have a boyfriend?" He asked with a small smile.

"Uh no I don't." I said softly.

"Oh I'm sure you'll find your true love one day, sweetheart. He'll come." My dad said with a smile.

I hated that he still called me sweetheart. I had this overwhelming feeling in my chest.

I felt like the walls were closing in, air was getting thinner.

"Letty, bring the potatoes to the kitchen yeah." My grandma said breaking me away from the feeling. I nodded and stood up with her.

I helped clear the table, along with Aaron and my dad.

Once that was all done. I stayed back in the kitchen while everyone else gathered in the lounge for after dinner conversation.

"Could I grab a water?" My dad said from behind me.

I never really realised how much he affected me. I'd move past it the next morning or think I could but having him here all day made me nervous. Uneasy, like something was going to happen.

"Sure." I said softly and passed him a bottle.

"Thank you." He said placing a hand on my shoulder. I stiffened.

"So why don't you catch me up on everything while I was away." He said sitting at the island.

"Nothing much has happened." I said as I swallowed hard.

"Oh surely so much has, why don't you tell me about the boy you've been seeing. Is he anything like miller?" He asked looking at me.

Miller was the boy I dated for a while back in junior year. We just never clicked as much as a couple. We had similar interests, but the longer we dated the more I noticed how self obsessed he was. Every conversation was about him, everything would always have to suit him and god forbid I try and simply accommodate me for once.

He was a good person and we just never clicked like we should've.

"I've been seeing a girl dad." I say softly.

"Oh." I watch as his face fell.

"Yeah." I said dragging on the 'ah' sound.

The kitchen was quiet now and I wanted to leave. I didn't find joy in being alone with him.

"Are you serious? About the whole liking girls thing?" He questioned and I was taken a back.

"What?" I asked softly. I felt like I was to speak normally, something would happen.

"I mean it's never the life I pictured for you a little girl. I always thought you'd be a big hotshot woman with a man by your side. Someone to protect and look after you." He said with a chuckle like it was something funny. "I guess it's not."

"No, I...I do like girls." I said looking back at him confused.

Something about the way his mood changed in a split second made me uneasy. The feeling was back.

"It isn't a phase because of...you know? Not all men are this way. I just have my issues." He said and questioned calmly.

My chest tightened and my palms grew sweaty.

"It's not a phase." I said as strongly as I could. "I really like her."

"I'm just saying, maybe you just haven't found some yet and are trying to find the easiest way out." He said just as strongly from his seat.

He was really playing this off like it was about him.

"I don't get what you're saying." I asked weakly. My chest tightened and my palms were dripping from sweat.

"I'm just saying maybe you're considering that you took an easy way out of all of this. I know you're only 18 so I'm sure you'll be back to your old self in no time." He smiled lightly.

"This is me, dad. It doesn't have anything to do with you. I genuinely like her." I sighed before adding. "I knew you'd saying something like this.

"I'm just saying what would your mom say about all of this? You liking girls." He asked

The air around me thinned. He kept saying things but my heart was pounding in my ears I couldn't hear myself properly.

He kept talking but I couldn't hear. The air was thin, my chest was tight, the walls were closing in and I couldn't feel very much. The feeling in my chest grew even more as he kept talking.

"Val." I whispered.

She was the only person I wanted right now. This was overwhelming and I couldn't take it. I needed her.

"Val." I said again ignoring whatever he had said. I moved out of the kitchen and left for outside.

I immediately called Val. I just needed her to tell me I was in my head. Like last time.

"Hello? Collette?" She said through the phone. And just hearing her voice alone lightly made tears fall from my eyes.

"Val." I said softly while gripping my chest.

"I'm here." She said.

"It's a long shot, I know, but can you come get me. He's back."

"I'll be there darling." She and before even giving me time to answer she cut the call and I sat at my door shivering and waiting for her.

I felt so stupid. I mean what was I even thinking telling him I've been seeing a girl. I knew it wouldn't go over well.

And why did he have to say that. She'd be proud right?

I want to believe that but is it true?