Once Upon a Story [ HIATUS ]

True Nature (4)

Word count: 1271
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Regret. Shame. Disgust. We've all felt it. We've all fallen down that dark path of self-hatred for something we did, something we shouldn't have done, something deep down we knew would make us regret everything.

That's how we are as humans, bound by right and wrong, at least by our perception of right and wrong. Is my fault true when my eyes witness it in grey? Is there any forgiveness worthy of that betrayal? Perhaps. For some. No human is the same after all.

***

Lunam had closed her gates, ending the hearings for the day. She stood and made haste for her room. A coil had been forming and twisting in her core all day, irritating her. Her heels clicked loudly in the halls, making known to everyone her foul mood. Many of her underlings bowed their heads to the floor before she even turned the corner.

She opened her room doors and witnessed something unfathomable. "To think you, of all men, would cave."

The man who came at her every beck and call, who obeyed her every word without hesitation, was curled in her bedsheets, nude and slicked with sweat. His hand worked fiercely, pushing him to another high as he buried his face in her scent, intoxicated. His mouth gaped, howled sounds her mind could only imagine.

Sebastian had fallen, unable to stop. Even when tears ran down his face, even when his throat ran dry, he couldn't find himself satisfied and stained her sheets further, spurting milky white.

Lunam scowled and called his name. He flinched, having heard her, but made no effort to leave his bliss. No, hearing her, feeling her presence so close to him, sunk him deeper into his dream.

Losing her patience, Lunam grabbed his arm and flung him to the floor. He gasped and trembled as the last of his delight ended, stringing onto the floor. Sebastian weakly looked up and saw red.

Lunam was furious.

He felt the pressure of her eyes glaring at him. It was crushing and tight on his throat. He wanted to take a knife to his heart and end the deep ache he felt. His Mistress was enraged, but what's more, she was disappointed. And that is what fed his guilt. He had broken, no, utterly shattered her expectations of him. It made his entrails writhed from his shame.

"I hoped you were different. I was wrong."

Body glazed in fluid, Sebastian could barely swallow back his disgust.

"I will send you back."

"No." His head shot up. "I beg you, Mistress, do not send me away—!"

His tongue froze in his mouth. Lunam's contract glowed fiercely on her arm. She had silenced him.

"You've broken our contract." Her voice was venomous. "You broke your oath."

I'm sorry.

"Your body and soul belong to me, Sebastian. Your body is not yours to command."

He mouthed a few words, attempting to speak, but said nothing more than senseless babbles. Lunam sighed and freed his tongue.

"I'm so-rry." His voice barely reached above a whisper. "I couldn't hold myself together any longer."

His whitening grip around his thighs bruised his skin, and his nails drew blood. "Every moment with you pulled me further into my delusions. I..." He paused, barely holding himself together. "I've thought of things forbidden and dreamt things I shouldn't fathom... These days, I cannot even blink without seeing you."

His voice cracked as sorrow washed over him. "I craved you so avidly, I didn't know what to do. I was afraid of hurting you. I would kill myself if I did."

"You would slit your throat for causing me pain?"

Sebastian relaxed his tense shoulders. "It is what I deserve... You were right about me from the very beginning. I am just like them, and I'm deeply sorry for what I've done. Do what you must with me, Mistress..."

Lunam said nothing more and left. Sebastian thought that everything had come to an end. She would end their contract and send him away to wander the mortal realm. Just as he had been the reject of his family, he would become the mockery of men, roaming among them, marked with Lunam's seal.

What will become of me? Sebastian thought. He didn't know what to do. Nude and cold, he could only remain kneeled. His suffering was justified. He thought, in due time, she would pity him enough to let him return.

Pity. Sebastian hated the feeling. When someone looked down on you, thinking you were so sad and lonesome. It boiled his blood. But Lunam was above him in every way. She had the right to watch him grovel beneath her feet.

As if he had finally realized the gravity of his situation, he cried. "Please, don't forsake me. Please, don't send me back to them." Tears poured down his face. "I won't live without you. I can't."

When the door opened again, Lunam returned with a basin of water. She placed a gentle hand on his head and asked him to stand. He obeyed, trembling, and she seated him on her bedside. She wet the towel over her shoulder and cleaned his face, matted with dry tears. He held back the ones wanting to escape and couldn't as she continued to wash his body in silence.

"Mistress?" he called. She didn't answer and took the second towel, patting his body dry. She grabbed the robe she always wore at night and clothed him. "Go to your room and get dressed." She wiped his face again and sent him off. Sebastian, confused, stayed at the door, looking at her. Lunam had removed her bedsheets, bed covers, and pillows and burned them, leaving no remnant.

"You're still here?" she asked.

"I am trying to understand," he said softly. Lunam approached him, fixing the robe around his chest. "What is there to understand?"

"Are you not cross with me?"

She pointed to the space where she had burned her bedding. "Is there anything left of your scene?"

"There is nothing."

"Then that is what I shall remember of tonight."

"But, my oath—"

"Sebastian. I forgive you."

"But why?" He couldn't believe it. He was delighted, but Sebastian didn't think he deserved forgiveness. "Should I not bear punishment for my act? Our contract is clear, and I swore my oath till my end. I promised I would never sin against you... Why do you forgive me?"

"What is a partnership without love?" Lunam replied. "I care about you, Sebastian, more than I will admit, more than I should allow. This contract binds us past our physical bodies. I can sense your regret and know you will do your earnest to correct your ways."

Her eyes softened, and although she didn't smile, Sebastian felt she had. "You can let go of your guilt. When this happens, find me. I will comfort you until you've found your senses."

Sebastian shook his head. "It will not happen again."

"Do not promise yourself perfection. You are still human," Lunam reminded him. "You will fall just as they do."

He bowed his head, sad. "Then I will always disappoint you. I cannot do you just service this way."

"You can. You have." She placed a hand on his chest, feeling his beating heart. "Devote yourself to me with all your heart, mind and soul, just as our contract imposes. I will take care of the rest."

She gently held his face and kissed his forehead. "Get dressed and rest. I will watch over you tonight."

A shy smile crept onto his lips. "I will. Thank you, Mistress."

Thank you for your unfailing love.