Random randomness

Little Willie Poems

I had a poetry recital in 6th grade, and I was allowed to pick the poem i wished to recite. I recited three of these, and was promptly expelled. 

Willie in the best of sashes,
Fell in the fire and burned to ashes.
By and by the room grew chilly
Because no one wanted to poke up Willie.

Willie with a thirst for gore,
Nailed the baby to the door.
Mother said, with humor quaint:
"Careful, Will, don't scratch the paint."

Little Willie from the mirror
Licked the mercury all off
Thinking in his childish error
It would cure his whooping cough.
At the funeral, Willie's mother
Smartly said to Mrs. Brown,
"Twas a chilly day for Willie
When the mercury went down!"

Little Willie on the tracks
Didn't hear the engine squeal.
Now the engine's coming back
Scraping Willie off the wheel.

Willie poisoned Auntie's tea.
Auntie died in agony.
Uncle came and looked quite vexed.
"Really, Will," said he, "What next?"

Willie, I regret to state,
Cut his sister into bait.
We miss her when it's time to dine,

But Willie's fish taste simply fine.

Willie fell down the elevator,

Wasn't found till six days later.
Then the neighbors sniffed, "Gee whiz!
What a spoiled child Willie is."

Willie bashed open baby's head
To see if brains are gray or red.
What a naughty boy is he
He shall have no jam for tea.

Willie in the cauldron fell;
See the grief on mother's brow.
Mother loved her darling well;
Willie's quite hard-boiled by now.

Willie and two other brats
Licked up all the Rough-on-Rats.
Father said, when mother cried,
"Never mind, they'll die outside."

Into the family drinking well
Willie pushed his sister Nell.
She's there yet, because it kilt her
Now we'll have to buy a filter.

Little Willie, mean as hell,
Threw his sister in the well.
Said his mother when drawing water,
"Sure is hard to raise a daughter."

Little Willie hung his sister.
She was dead before we missed her.
"Willie's always up to tricks.
Ain't he cute! He's only six."

Little Willie's dead and gone.
His face we'll see no more.
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.

Willie saw some dynamite,
Couldn't understand it quite.
Curiosity never pays;
It rained Willie seven days.

Little Willie, with a curse
Threw the teapot at the nurse.
When it struck her on the nose,
His father cheered, "How straight he throws!"

Father heard his children scream
So he threw them in the stream
Saying, as he drowned the third,
"Children should be seen, not heard!"

Willie built a guillotine,

Tried it out on sister Jean.

Said Mother, as he got the mop,

"These messy games have got to stop"

Little willie home from school

Spied a dollar behind a mule

stooped to get it quiet as a mouse

funeral tomorrow willie's house

Little Will, With Father's Gun,

Punctured Grandma Just For Fun,