LOVING MACHINE ‣ d. osamu

O3.

   SHE HAD BEEN ON a bench for an hour straight, contemplating her life decisions.

   i don't like it here, it's too crowded, it's horrible, i hate this, people are looking at me, i hate this, why does this have to happen, why do i have to run away? what if dazai's here? no, don't be ridiculous, he can't be. what if my parents are here on vacation? no, they have work. what if—

   "i'm being stupid," she whispered to herself. "of course not! i need to stop that sulking..." getting up, [name] swung her pack over her shoulder and headed for the nearest forest. unfortunately this time, it wasn't abandoned.

   there was an overload of people. women pushing strollers bumped into bikers, and they started cursing at each other angrily. i... hate... kawasaki... city... she thought, trying to catch her breath. she heard a rustle in the bushes earlier and saw ears similar to that of the kitsune, and had made a run for it.

   charging her phone on a tree with an outlet, she rested on the branches and let a bird land on her finger. it tweeted cheerfully, before taking flight. the girl checked her watch and realized it was already late, and the sky was splattered with gorgeous multitudes of orange, pink, and blue colors. [name] heard the sudden rush of wings flapping, and she glanced around cautiously.

   surprisingly, the tiny bird was carrying a container full of chicken, rice and onigiri with soy sauce, and sliced radish. you have got to be kidding me... she thought in awe, as the bird landed beside her. the creature had just saved her life.

   popping the lid off, she slid it under the container and noticed the plastic silverware and napkins in a small package. ripping it open, she poured soy sauce over the rice before helping herself to chicken, rice, and onigiri. the sliced radish was finished soon after, and she was left feeling relieved afterward. i've been so busy running around that i nearly forgot about food.

   a sudden energetic wave hit her in the brain. how did i forget about food? i was always begging my friends for some, no matter the circumstance. so how...

the gears were turning in her brain as if it were mechanical.

   "i must be going crazy," she whispered to herself after brushing her teeth. she unplugged her phone and stashed both items inside her bag, before trying her best to make comfort with whatever was left with the tree and blanket.

i hate this.

i get why dazai's suicidal now.

┕━☽【❖】☾━┙

   a deep figure emerged from the shadows, composed of a thousand roaring waterfalls and nine tails. it towered over her body, gazing down menacingly with a sickly smile. its nails bared over her face in a short strike, driving gashes and scars on her skin. the blood started pouring out in thin beads and trailed down her, sopping up the material in her clothes. a drop of blood landed on the shadow, its 'skin,' being the water, and with a horrifying shriek similar to hers all those years ago, it dissolved into space.

   [name]'s eyes blinked slowly, taking in her surroundings. not a single drop of blood in sight. however, faded scars on her body tingled for a few moments before the feeling was gone. just a nightmare, just a silly nightmare. you're not with the kitsune anymore, and you're not at the songsune anymore, she reassured herself. it had been a horrific nightmare. she remembered the drops of blood pouring down her skin, similar to old, scarring memories.

i don't want to remember those things anymore.

   with a few short breaths, the thoughts flew out the door, and she was met with silence. nobody was at the park yet, only a few early risers out for jogging, earbuds in, and not paying her a single glance. that was preferable to the looks she earned while in the city.

   she dropped from the tree and noticed a path that led into an abandoned clearing before starting down it. no more rose-dipping, she thought nervously, wringing her clothes out in the water of a clear lake. she scrubbed them vigorously with soap that she hesitantly 'borrowed,' from one of the bathrooms. surprisingly, those bathrooms had been spotless. rinsing them out with water, she left them to dry, a few drops of cold water running down her naked body.

   she was startled by the water drops and brushed them away. the sun fully rose after about an hour or so, and the blazing sunrays had her clothes nicely dried. changing into a new set, she stored her old clothes away and sat on a rock silently.

new beginnings.

a new life.

i'm not happy this way.

   i need to let my existence fade out for a few years, when i've been deemed as late, and then return.

   she stared at the water coldly. finally getting up, the sounds of a bustling park were now heard. it was full of people going about their daily activities. they looked so peaceful, it made her jealous. they got to live their lives however they wanted. they already found their happiness.

   good memories, those were, she thought, heading into the main city. the stares were redirected at her again. noticing a crepe stand, she decided to buy some for breakfast.

   "how can i help you?" said the stall owner, smiling warmly. it was a lovely woman in an apron, flipping crepes in a pan.

   "what would you recommend?" she asked curiously, as the woman's face contorted to one of pleasant surprise.

"oh, you're asking me! hm, i'll say that the whipped cream and blueberry filling is my personal favorite to make," she hummed. [name] nodded.

   "i'll get a plate." the woman told her the price, and she handed a few bills over. the smell of sweet, steaming crepes was soon floating in the air. the owner handed her a plate, and she sat down merrily as more people crowded around the stand. biting into one, she was met with the warm texture of sweet dough and butter and a cold sense of whipped cream and fruit. the lady had added strawberries to the crepes, not just blueberries.

they're so good!!

   finishing the plate and handing it back to the woman to wash it, she left the stall shortly and continued her daytime stroll around the city.

i need to get used to this place. maybe then, i can find work and... and live here for a while.

maybe then, i can go back to yokohama eventually.