LOVING MACHINE ‣ d. osamu

O4.

   "I'M NOT ASKING AGAIN, where is she?!" dazai's aggressive voice rang out to his subordinates. "don't tell me she ran away with the gravity user?"

it had been one year since the girl had disappeared.

   "no, she didn't. we got information from nakahara the other day," said one of the nervous gunrunners.

"and how would you know whether he was lying or not?" he replied coldly. the man gulped and turned away, returning to shooting practice targets. "you all are incompetent. at least that girl made even a bit of use here."

[name] was ruining his mind.

   this part will be a little different from 'the day i picked up dazai.'

he opened the doors to the rooftop dramatically and did a swan dive off of it. instead of his mind blurring, it only seemed to shift back into focus. dazai examined the rough wounds on his arms and legs, head, and face. a young ginger man with light stubble stepped outside, holding a garbage bag. his dark brown eyes met dazai's empty ones with a look of curiosity, then quickly shifted to concern. "a corpse?" the porch was slowly becoming scarlet with blood spilling onto the floor.

   "nope!" the brunette exclaimed, with what was left of his voice. "i was committing suicide."

"oh, err... suicide. i see," the man coughed. "shotgun wounds as well?"

   "a mission," he muttered without hesitation. slowly, the ginger man started to lift dazai. immediate treatment is needed. i am not heartless, he told himself. digging in the closet once they were both inside, he reached for the medical box and gave him simple first aid. the wounds were held down strongly with a clean cloth, and the young brunette's dirty, used bandages were replaced with fresh new ones. it was as if he hadn't changed his bandages since the start of this year. a voice inside the man with stubble was telling him to throw the boy out, as it was a suspicious stranger. a wise man would listen to that voice.

   the bandages covering half of his face made dazai hard to make out in terms of features. he looks young, young enough to pass as a boy. a wad of cash was clutched in his hand. the ginger man picks up the wad of notes, and a few moments later, he feels a trickle of stupidity run across his mind.

   the notes are strange. they looked freshly processed, as if stolen. possibly, the young man had been raiding a bank. he leaves the money on the desk.

"what is your name?" said the ginger man, picking up the phone. no answer.

   he hears a faint voice, not coming from the receiver. "put the phone down. it's dazai osamu," dazai replied. his voice was stronger now, having been nursed to average health.

"what if i don't?"

   "i'll kill you," dazai said, almost hesitantly, as if he didn't want to. this was hidden with a sharp tone. the words didn't surprise the ginger. he was used to hearing them as often as buying a pack of cigarettes or cutting your nails.

   "how? you're heavily injured," the light-stubbled man cautiously replied. "to kill me in that condition, you would need two hundred guns."

   "i don't need that much," dazai replied coldly, as if he were about to cry. "i'm port mafia." please, don't be scared of me, he thought anxiously, as the ginger's face started to change. "what's your name?"

a little unsettled on defying the port mafia, the embodiment of violence and darkness, the man said, "oda sakunosuke." he headed into the kitchen a few moments later, and the smell of fresh coffee was being brewed. "if i'm not allowed to call the police, how about the doctors? what i've done is emergency first aid at best. if you don't get proper treatment, you'll die." his eyes stayed on the boiling water steadily.

   "this is no big deal. i'm used to injuries," said dazai, waving off the suggestion.

   "is that so? alright. there is no way a normal postman like me can defy the port mafia," oda replied in agreement. suddenly, the brunette starts to violently cough and vomit blood. the man turns his head to the side so he wouldn't choke. it could be an internal injury, a cut...

"go to the hospital. you really are going to die," said oda.

   "it's perfect then. just let me die like this," he replied. a chilled wind rushes through the ginger man. dazai stares at the ceiling without a hint of expression. just a flat face. there was no human inside. he could have been a ghost if it was late at night.

oda continues to ask questions. as it looked like dazai was going to continue to complain, he shakes the bandaged wounds.

"ouch, ouch! stop it! i hate pain!"

"then will you give up?"

"no," said the brunette.

   funnily enough, oda gets a strange idea. in order for dazai to stop y̶a̶p̶p̶i̶n̶g̶ complaining, he could bind the boy to the bed so that not a noise would be heard. the sound of boiling coffee was heard. he went to get the coffee, then came back and started to bind dazai with a large towel. a decorative cord from the doorway was used soon after, then raised the pillows and changed the blankets. taking a sip of his coffee, oda opens the window to let in fresh air.

   damn it, i forgot about this part! the brunette told himself irritably, thinking of events in the book. 

   "for the time being, until your wounds have healed, i will have you stay this way," said oda.

   "my nose is itching," dazai complained. he wriggles his two arms that are now bound.

   "poor you," oda shrugged. a string of insults were heard as he sipped his coffee peacefully in the kitchen.

   the words 'i miss [name]!' are heard. his ears perk up at the sentence. "who's [name]?" said the man. the young boy scoffs and refuses to answer.

   "i guess i'll just have to keep you here forever," he teased, as another paragraph of insults are heard.

"fine! i'll tell you, i'll tell you. [name] is just a girl," said dazai, with an irritable tone in his voice. just a girl? yeah right. i was starting to believe i could slowly but surely, become a human with her. i'm still a monster. she...

she left me.

"'just a girl'?" oda quizzed. "you sound sorrowful."

"i am. i miss her. i'll never feel full again," dazai replied expressively.

   the ginger man is alerted by his words. 'i'll never feel full again.' those words strike him in the mind curiously. "you'll never feel full again?"

"yes. she made me human, even if only by a bit."

[name] made him want to be human.

just what was the girl's impact on this bandaged boy?