In Silence And Tears

EPILOGUE (TW: Talks about Pedophilia)

I weep for the young girl who I once was, who thought the love she was shown is genuine and moral as it was presented— who was swayed by sweet words and a rather 'calm' presence. Thankfully, this guy and I never met in person as he was from another country. All these realizations also occured slowly when I reached the age when he first met me and realized it was a disgusting thought to even date someone 6 years younger than I was.

A little storytime. I met the 19-year-old guy when I was 13 in a language learning group, and we became friends as I was one of the people who taught the group when we got ditched by the instructor, and he was an active member. Long story short, he was a charming person (although incredibly lewd now that I look back on it) and he was good at presenting himself as a rather decent person. Well, he's not.

He was incredibly supportive though, and I truly felt like he was my friend. I felt a false sense of security  with him. Yes, he might be genuine, but it does not erase the fact that he saw nothing wrong with what he was doing. I looked past all the red flags, his age, his language (saying 'oppai' or boobs in japanese), him having many friends who are women that he flirts with, him creating an alt account to talk to me and his other friends when one of his next girlfriends (in which from what he says, well the relationship was incredibly toxic and she was jealous so she made him unfriend all the women in his friendlist), and many more. I also suspect he might also pay for NSFW content quite a lot since he has easy access to it. His jokes are also mostly lewd, and he doesn't mind calling himself a pervert. I didn't realize all of that until I cut him off and looked back on old conversations.

Anyway, when I was 14-15 if I'm not mistaken, he confessed his crush to me and all that, and when I asked him why he liked me, it was because I was apparently "mature in her own way"; which, to younger women out there, no. If a man way older than you says that, thinks of you as mature just to date you, run away from him. He uses that as an excuse to not hold himself accountable, and you might not find anything wrong with it unless you take a step back someday when you're older and see that what had happened was something you want to protect younger girls from.

Anyway, I felt like something was wrong with the arrangement and I kept trying to leave, but he was my 'good friend' so I stayed anyway and remained friends 6 years after that. We did not become official, but it was definitely some sort of situationship or mutual understanding (MU). When I ended the MU, he always tried to get back with me and even cried, wanting to talk to my father which scared me at that time. He even contacted my friend, and even told me he can be whoever I want him to be. In the end, he compromised that if he loses his feelings for me, then we can be friends. Hence why it lasted 6 years longer.

We didn't talk on the regular basis, but I had just now realize how perverse he was, sending me lewd pictures of women in provocative poses when I told him I might like women. When I told him I might be asexual he said that "Oh you're just too innocent like an angel". He also sexualizes the characters I draw, and even at some point said that a certain character looked like me, which is why it was more creepy that he was so insistent on wanting those characrers to rail and that he has a friend who can draw NSFW.

His next girlfriends also have the same nationality as me; and almost the same age. When he had a rocky relationship with his last girlfriend before I cut him off, I tried to comfort him on the preface that I didn't know he was ranting about his current gf. I only realized when he told me: "If you were my lover, then all of this would be worth it". That threw me off, made me take a step back and realized all of these.

He might not think of himself as a pedophile, and if he's reading this then he might get angry at my description— but that is what you are. Don't deny it. What 19 year old talks to a 13-year-old like that and initiates a relationship when you know full well my age. No, I won't be your 'second wife'. It is disgusting, to even think about all of these and how long it took to get over it.

But recently, a young girl aged 15 messaged me on my personal account as she saw that I used to comment on his past posts— she was asking about him. Apparently she was falling for him and his sweet talks too. But get this, I am 21 by this time, so he must be 27. He lied to this poor girl that he was 23, and that made me question everything. What else did he lie to her, and to me, about?

This is for all the young girls out there. That older guy talking to you cannot get women his age as they would not tolerate his bullshit, so they go for younger girls like you as they think you are more easily manipulated to their whims, even if you don't notice and even if they don't admit it. Watch out for red flags.

The internet is vast and wide. Beware. Be careful.