Fantasy novel with 40 year old protagonist

Chapter 1

Does my life have meaning?

This one question flawlessly summarized Daciana's all other difficult questions.

Of course, she wasn't thinking about this often. Most days, she was too busy to even think at all. Most days, she woke up early, ate breakfast in 10 minutes, rushed to work, and left the office around 5:00 PM. Once she was back home, her schedule was timed so that she could go to bed at a decent time, only to repeat the process again and again.

Once in a while, though, Daciana reverted to thinking about this. Because some days she would still get incredibly lonely... or maybe just bored with living the same routine every day. Those days, she would wonder if there was anything left to see other than what she had already seen, if there was anything out there that could still surprise her, or if she'd just get older and weaker and more powerless and then die without any real accomplishment. And then, she would try to expand on what a good accomplishment would be, but it would be hard to answer. Because what is truly important? Would fame or fortune be the answer? Unlikely. She was making more than she needed to support a decent living, and she didn't feel like having more money would have made her happier. She also decided early in life that fame was not what she desired and that privacy was infinitely more important to her. What then? Being remembered? Making one person's day a bit better or, almost the opposite, doing something for Humanity? Probably not. She looked around and saw the world around her move at an incredible pace; the society she grew up in slowly dying down, and she knew she would eventually be left behind.

She had just turned 40, and this was the one question she always returned to. At first, she pushed the thought aside. When the question lingered and haunted her like a restless spirit, she had to admit to herself that this would not go away. And, once again, the realization tore into her like an iron-hot dagger. For months in a row, she cried herself to sleep, feeling more lost and unsure about her life than she'd ever been. She tried to convince herself that it was okay and clung to other small things that seemed to make her happy. Still, she always saw the truth eventually, and it brought her only misery. And, somehow, at some strange point in time, she got used to it. The same way you get used to the pain from a previous injury that healed but never entirely went away. You know that it's there, that there's little you can do about it, so you just accept it and work your way around it. And it was at this point that she decided she was going to survive this... and live gracefully and intentionally.

"If you think about it, we are all survivors. All of us have been through so much, and we are all still here. We survived injuries and accidents, our childhood, our teenage years, broken hearts and exams, job interviews and really terrible managers, embarrassments and unlucky situations, rude people, people who don't know how to drive well, violent people - physically and emotionally, sickness, death of loved ones, death of hope. And despite all of it, we all made it to today. And that is powerful."

She thought about it all and decided she wouldn't be swept away randomly, like an empty bag in the wind. She would be the hero of her own story and gracefully take charge. Starting with the irritating guy sitting next to her on the metro.

He sat beside her and then splayed his legs onto her space like she wasn't even there. Uh! She hated to be touched by strangers and despised feeling their body heat creep into her limbs like a parasite. As much as she tried to wrap her brain around it, she could not comprehend how other human beings could be so oblivious to others...

"Would you mind moving your leg a bit? I don't have much space on my side of the bench." she lowered her voice to caution without embarrassing him.

Despite the universal belief in the classic portrait of good versus evil, she didn't believe that human beings were simple enough to be characterized in two words. They were a sum of everything that happened to them before. They were a summary of life lessons from every experience, not just good or evil. And sometimes, some had a bad day, month, or year... and were so lost in their worries that they did not look around.