My Angel (Solangelo high school Au)

The time I tried smiling and fooled absolutely no one

Will

Nico was avoiding me. I couldn't blame him. I sighed, looking out the window. I didn't feel like blinking, nevertheless I got out of bed. A week has passed, and it still feels fresh. Like it was only moments ago that I felt his lips against mine.

The four words ruined it all. What did I do? I knew what I had done. I had ruined every possible chance I had with Nico. I had hurt him, as well as me. I looked at the floor, and wondered why? Why did all of this happen? Why did this all fall apart? Why was I that stupid, that carless?

"You stupid, ugly faggot!" He yelled, as he always did. "Don't you know no one will ever love you?" He sneered.

I looked up, helpless. Originally, I had been stubborn. I had yelled, screamed at him. But that confidence was gone. I felt weak. "Octavian," I pleaded. "Stop."

I did not have the upper hand then. I was lying on the ground, blood pouring out from various places. I was beaten, broken. No one around to help. I would never be loved.

I felt a sharp pain in my side. He had kicked me, the breath taken from my lungs. I curled up, desperate to get away. A kick to the face. I shut my eyes, wanting everything to end. I just wanted-

"What's the matter?" Octavian mocked. "Don't you want your father? Oh, that's right, he's probably screwing another girl. Or boy, for that matter. He's not going to come help you. And your mother? I bet she's so disappointed in how you turned out."

He was ri- No! I would not let his insults get to my head. I could never. Even if they were true. Which most were. I covered my head. Everything hurt. So painful. When would this end? I wished that Octavian would take it too far right now. Then, at least I'll be at peace.

Octavian continued taunting, talking about how messed up my life was. In a way, he was right.

No Will, I thought, desperately. He's wrong. He's right, I knew. But I had to hold on a little longer. I had to just-

Will? Hold on a little longer? Why? What's the point in that? A laugh went through my head. No one will ever love you. Octavian is right. Why hold on? Do it tonight. It'll be as easy as that. You don't have to hold on any more. You can be free.

No! No, I couldn't let him get to my head! H-happy memories. Micheal. Lee. How happy they made me. They cared for me. They loved me. Loved. No! I couldn't let him get in my head.

"What's the matter Solace," Octavian taunted. "You're siblings can't help you now. They're dead," he spat.

I shuddered. A kick to the ribs. Not by Octavian. One of his buds. The kind of guy that had tattoos everywhere. And not the pleasant ones. He was almost as bad as Octavian. But Octavian, he knew me. Too well. He knew all my secrets, all my desires.

"You know what?" The boy chimed in. "I would rape you, but you're so disgusting that you would probably enjoy it."

I felt a shove, and I went back to the solace of my mind. Not much of a solace, since I could always hear the tauntings. When would this end? You can end it now, the voice taunted. You know how.

I shuddered at the memory, the one I had so desperately tried to forget. The one that was shoved down so deep so I wouldn't have to remember it. I remembered it, all right. Every single fucking day the voice in my head reminded me, repeated everything. I could never get away from it. "Octavian can't get to me," I whispered to myself, desperately.

It was a lie, of course. I saw him lurking the hallway. He would sneer at me, whispering taunts. He could always find me, always knew where I was. He was a few years older than me, yet he got held back as a kid. So he was taller, bigger, and more full grown than me, and also about 75% bigger than the rest of the school. Making him a perfect bully. In science, all he had to do was move a few seats closer to me. I would constantly check behind me, making sure nothing was happening behind my back.