Midnight • (Zayn Malik)

oops

It had been a few days since my "date" with Zain (I still refused to call it that because it was just too weird). Monte and Louis said that they would finish the project today in class so technically I didn't really have to help anymore and I could get back to creating freely. That was, until Monte snatched me up and attempted to teach me to paint. I had been successfully avoiding my mother ever since she stumbled noisily through the front door at three in the morning. I was glad she hadn't come in when Zain was here but she still woke me up in the middle of the night and it took forever for me to fall back asleep. I had also managed to avoid telling Violet about Zain even though I promised myself that I would. I guess I could never find the right time to tell her and she hadn't been able to hang out after school so I could talk to her one on one. Maybe I was making excuses but I'm sure if anyone else were in my situation they would be doing the exact same thing. She was going to murder me when I told her, and then hug the life out of me, then go right back to ending me.

I was up before my alarm (for once in my entire life) and was just lying in bed, waiting until I actually had to get up. I had a nightmare of sorts and although I didn't really remember it, I definitely could tell it had to do with what happened a few years ago. It surprised me because my days of having endless nightmares had ended a while ago when things started to get better. The fact that one resurfaced last night didn't scare me as much as it would if they kept reoccurring. I had texted Violet after I woke up from it but she was still sleeping. The only other thing I could think to do was put a record on and try to will the bad memories away. Because those nightmares weren't figments of my imagination. They were horrible flashbacks that I had tried so hard to keep hidden.

Finding it hard to pass the time just listening to music with my nightmare still fresh in my mind I decided just to get up and get ready early. I didn't take nearly as long in the shower because of how awake I was already when usually I moved around sluggish. I let my hair dry and got dressed in a plain black crop top and a white leather skater skirt. Since I had time to kill I decided to experiment with my makeup and try something different for school. I winged my eyeliner and then with a pencil I lined my waterline. It was something Violet always did to me when I let her put my makeup on for special occasions and whatnot. Usually it left me wiping tears from my eyes and blinking a thousand times but when I did it, it wasn't so bad. It made my pale blue eyes pop more than usual to the point where they looked electrifying. That was the only proper adjective I could find. Once my hair was completely dry I decided to put it up in a bun, like how Sienna had her hair once. It's not that I wanted to look like someone else, I just had extra time and I ever since I dyed my hair I was hardly adventurous with my appearance. The change made me feel a bit more confident about myself and I walked out of my room with still a half hour until I had to go to school. I figured I'd go downstairs and make myself a proper breakfast, hoping that my mother would still be asleep like she usually was.

Finding the kitchen and dining area completely empty, I walked in and made myself some banana pancakes and a smoothie. I was never the best cook, but I also wasn't horrible so I knew I could trust my creations. When I drank the last drops of my smoothie, I still had a few minutes to spare but just decided to go to school early and read in the library or something.

On the way to school it was hard to steer (no pun intended) my thoughts in a different direction other than my nightmare. I tried turning my radio up but that only helped a small amount. The rising sun sparkled atop the shiny black metal of Ciara and I just wish it would rain so that it might sprinkle the memories away. Although the sun made everything more cheery in the morning, it also was a softer light than that of the scorching rays we got in the afternoon. I was reminded, again, of the dreamland I had thought of while riding behind Zain on his motorcycle at night. I considered the idea, for a moment, that he would be able to distract me from my nightmare this morning but I quickly waved it away. I shouldn't need to depend on another person in order to keep myself sane. I had been coping with these memories for years on my own because not even Violet had the power to wipe them away. I doubt anyone else, especially some boy, had the ability to do that. Though I couldn't help but be left with the idea that maybe he wasn't just some boy.