The Definition of Insanity | 𝐿𝒶𝒹𝓎 𝐿𝑒𝓈𝓈𝑜

Twenty-Six

2 Weeks Later

I dragged myself off to dinner, feeling absolutely shattered. I'd had sword-duelling class and my opponent hadn't gone easy on me. I felt my eyebrow stinging from where she'd caught me with her saber. I'd been graceful about it losing 2 rounds though, and she wasn't cocky either; she'd acknowledged that I'd come close to winning. She was an Ever though, which wasn't surprising as she was so nice about it. Her name was Calliope and she was a regular opponent for me in Sword-duelling class. 

I got myself some chorizo fries and joined Gideon and Sage at our table. 'How's life?' Gideon asked. 

I nodded. 'Not too bad thanks, I wrote to Hort the other day, he's only just replied, promising that my house is still standing and everything is fine.' 

'I'm shocked. Your house hasn't burnt to the ground?' Sage grinned. 

'He knows that if it was, he'd be facing some serious consequences from me.' I nodded, nibbling on a fry. 

'Ooh, you're so formidable.' Gideon mocked. 

I glared. 'How about I jam my sword into your carotid artery, and we'll see just how formidable I am.' 

My attention was diverted by a trilling laugh, and I looked over the other side of the room to Professor Dovey, who was laughing at something Professor Anemone had said. And next to her was Lesso, who seemed to be involved in the conversation. 

For the past two weeks, I'd been making an active effort to ignore her. Even in classes, I kept to myself unless when she called on me and I'd act as arrogant and cold as possible. I knew I was putting up a wall between us, but I wasn't going to allow myself to get hurt by her again. 

'Look, far be it from me to stand in the way of quiet pining, but you know, you could just talk to her.' Gideon spoke up, noticing me staring over there. 

I shook my head, eyes flickering over to Lesso again. 'I'm not talking to her. She's the one who left me.' 

'Yeah, but you clearly miss her.' He replied. 

I scoffed. 'No I don't.' 

'Think you're in denial, Katherine?' Sage mused. I glared at her.

'I'm just saying, it might help to talk things out.' Gideon continued. 'I've been in classes with you two there, and the tension is unbearable.' 

I sighed. 'Whether I miss her not, which I don't, it doesn't make any difference. That argument we had, I don't think there's any coming back from it. She really hurt me. Besides, everyone now knows about us seeing each other last year, and I'm not opening the floodgates for gossip again.' 

'Thought you were sick of sneaking around? Isn't it worth seeing if you can fix things?' 

I took a deep breath, holding back tears that were threatening to come up. 'No, I don't think it is. I'm fucking exhausted.' 

'Gideon is right,' Sage piped up. 'You're clearly still hurting, but the dust had settled now you've both had a chance over the summer to calm down, so maybe it'd be worth speaking to her and resolving some things.' 

'Since when were you such a pacifist?' I muttered. 

'I'm just saying, all I've heard is you making excuses to not talk to her. Maybe for once, put your ego aside and sort it out. I know you're scared of getting hurt again, but I think that's the very thing that proves you still do love her. You don't want to let your guard down, because you think you're scared that the moment you do, she'll let you down again.' Sage explained. 'Sometimes it's worth taking that jump into the unknown because it could be the best decision you make.' 

'Just please stop.' I said, irritated, as my eyes flickered over to my ex again, and accidentally made eye-contact, as she'd seemingly already been looking over. 'I need some air.' I pushed my food away, standing up, and grabbed my bag. My friends didn't try to stop me.

I left the hall, heading out towards the bridge, which was now my favourite spot whenever I liked to be alone. 

'Katherine.' Lesso walked out onto the bridge. 

'What?' I said harshly. 'I think I made it pretty clear I don't want to talk to you.' 

'No, I think you should, because I want to explain a few things.' She told me. 

I crossed my arms, waiting. 

'You see, you didn't really see it from my perspective, that day.' She said, obviously referring to that day she'd left me. 

'I thought you knew me, and what I was like. Yes, I suppose I acted a bit extreme, but I thought for a second that Allegra was actually going to kill you.' She continued. 'I reacted how I did because the thought of losing you was-' She broke off. 'I just wanted you to know I did it out of love. Okay, so my actions weren't admirable, I went too far, and I should have known you enough by then too, to know you wouldn't like it.' 

I sighed deeply. 'I don't know, maybe I was just shocked at how far you went, I suppose it scared me a bit.' 

'I never deserved you.' She said. 'I got angry and left, when I should have stayed and fixed things.' 

I shook my head. 'I kind of don't blame you. I think I would have reacted the same. You deserved so much more than me.' 

'No.' She disagreed. 'I wasted so much time when I should have come back and apologised. I think about it all the time.' 

'I think about it all the time, too.' I whispered.

'I'm sorry I hurt you.' 

I nodded, feeling tears come up again. 'I know.' 

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I headed up to my dorm, feeling like a weight had been lifted of my chest for the first time in a long time. I entered the room and Sage was sat on her bed, polishing her sword. She looked up when I came in. 

'Where have you been?' She asked. 

'The bridge, I needed to be alone.' I shrugged, throwing my bag down and kicking my heels off. 

'I saw Lesso leave not long after you did. Did she follow you?' She prodded. 

'Aye.' I nodded. 'We had a talk.' 

'So I take it things are back on track then?' She asked excitedly. 

I frowned. 'No, they're not. But I do think we resolved some things.' 

'I'm glad to hear it.' She smiled. 

I threw myself on my bed, looking up at the ceiling. 'I've forgiven her, yeah. But that's as far as it goes.' 

'For now, maybe. Who knows, you might end up getting back together.' She added. 

'I don't think so.' I side-eyed her. 'I don't know if I want that.'