𝐃𝐞𝐛𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 | 𝟏𝟖+

23. riding

POPPY ELLISON

✥

I'm aware I've been staring at myself in the mirror for at least ten minutes.

Work tonight hasn't gone the way I want it to go. Ever since my conversation with Gabriel last week, the words I told him have haunted me.

I'm not who you think I am.

Why did I say that?

My stomach rolls painfully. What if he starts putting two and two together? I know Lonzo has been suspicious of me ever since I turned up at their house covered in blood. I'll never forgive myself for doing that because it's changed everything.

I've barely seen Gabriel this week, or Zane. It must be busy on their front.

Or maybe Gabriel has figured everything out and he's planning my murder.

Oh God. I drop my make-up brush and run my hands down my face. No no no no. How has this turned so sour, so fast?

"Everything okay?" I hear a voice from behind me.

I snap my eyes to the reflection and release a breath when I see Astrid standing behind me. Her blonde platinum hair shines in the mirror as she drapes a hand over the back of my chair. I sigh and lean back, shaking my head without even thinking.

Astrid is the one person I've become close with after starting at Dark Suite. I didn't want to draw more attention to myself but we clicked and now I'm grateful for having her in my life, even though we haven't known each other for very long. It matters now.

She draws up a chair beside me. "What's wrong?"

I glance at the wall and chew on my lip. Five minutes until my break is over and I need to go back outside for the last hour. "I won't bore you with it," I fake a smile that hurts my soul.

Astrid scoots closer. "No," she shakes her head once. "Don't give me that bullshit. Tell me what's wrong, I might be able to help."

My lips curl at her words. "I doubt you can fix what I'm feeling inside."

"Try me."

I stare back into her crystal blue eyes and sigh. "Have you ever wanted someone so badly but known that you can't truly have them?"

Her eyes flick between mine and she shakes her head. "No, because I always go for it anyway. Life is too short for regrets. Fuck it."

I laugh quietly at her response. "I wish I had your confidence but I worry that I'll end up hurting people if I go through with it. It's not an easy situation and I wish things could be different but they're too complicated."

"Can't you tell them about your worries?"

"No," I pull back and wrap my arms around myself. "It'll make everything worse."

When Astrid doesn't say anything more, I glance at her in the mirror. She's staring right back at me, as if she can see through to my brain. "When was the last time you were truly happy, Poppy?"

Her question has me blinking in surprise. "Huh?"

"When were you truly happy?"

I flick my eyes up at the ceiling. If I'm being brutally honest, I can't remember the last time I was even happy. Before Rexx, before the court trial. My life wasn't anything exciting and now I'm still unhappy–miserable even.

"Probably when I was a child," I admit.

Everyone is so carefree as a kid, not a care in the world. Then you grow up and everything turns to shit.