𝐃𝐞𝐛𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 | 𝟏𝟖+

50. healing

POPPY ELLISON

✥

Over the last two weeks I've been in this apartment at the top of the lake recovering. I have most of my mobility back now but I still need to take it easy. Gabriel has been out trying to sort the mess that Rexx left them in, little did I know that he had more information on them than I thought. I guess that's my fault too and I should be blamed.

But every night he'll come back and wrap me up in his arms. I've barely slept over the last fourteen days. I lay awake feeling sick with guilt, of things I'll never be able to go back and change.

I made my bed, now I can lie in it. Literally.

Every kiss Gabriel gives me, every hug, every small thing he does for me. It's hard to accept because I don't deserve any of his love or kindness. I deserve nothing. I shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be worrying about me.

When Gabriel leaves for the day and leaves a lingering kiss on my forehead, a tear dribbles down my cheek when he's gone. I stand from the bed and start piling clothes into a bag as if my body is working by default and I don't have control over my thoughts.

I pause for a moment and glance at my phone, every powerful emotion taking over. My gut twists painfully, I fucking hate that I'm crying because I'm so damn weak but I know I need to get out of his life.

I'm worthless. Always have been.

My hands wipe down on my leggings as I reach for my phone. I chew on my lip and send Zane a message. Gabriel said that he's not angry with me and I believe him–another person who should want me dead like Lonzo. A text comes straight back and I stare at the screen.

Without thinking I order a cab to Dark Suite and find Zane in his office. I raise my knuckles against the door and I hear him yell, "Come in."

I hesitate for a second before stepping inside and finding Zane's dark eyes focus on my face. "H-Hi," I stammer.

"Poppy," he blinks and gives me a once over. "When you texted, I didn't expect you to come today. Are you okay? With your recovery?"

I nod because he shouldn't be fussing about me. I'm literally nothing compared to what I could have caused him for all his hard work. "I'm fine," I brush off. "I'm sorry for everything, Zane. I truly am. I never wanted to bring you into this. I hate myself for everything. I have to go. I was wondering if I could collect my cheque early from the start of the month. I feel awful asking for my pay but I need something to leave."

His brows dip. "Early? Poppy, I can keep you on the payroll."

"No need," I exhale. "I have to go, Zane. I've caused too much pain here and everyone deserves better. It'll be best if I get out of everyone's lives."

"You're leaving?"

My head tilts slowly. "I know I sound like a coward but it's for the best. I'm sorry for everything that happened. I'm sorry if Rexx managed to fuck things up with Dark Suite. I tried my hardest not to give him information but then he hired Spence and he threatened you guys. I know it doesn't make it better, but I'm still sorry."

Zane leans back in his chair and runs a finger down his lips. "Hmm," he murmurs. "Gabriel really loves you, Poppy."

I close my eyes and count my breaths. "He shouldn't. Not after everything."

"But he does and you're just going to run away?"

My brain aches, I pinch my brows together to try and relieve some of the pain but it's no use. "I won't run without saying goodbye," I admit. "But maybe once I'm gone he'll realise that he deserves better, he deserves true happiness, someone he can trust."