Theres an alien in my f#king bed... ☆~CREEK~☆

Chapter 30: One last time

"Hey Tolkien."

"Ugh what is it now?"

"Uh- Wow. Whats up your ass?"

"Speak Tucker. What must money buy today?"

"I need lots of coffee shits to apologize to Tweek... Again."

"Oh my- I know im rich but you cant keep-"

"I swear this is probably possibly the LAST. TIME."

"I swear to god Craig...."

"Praise the lord!"

"I should ki-"

I hang up before he can say anything else. In a matter of minutes Tolkiens at my house with a truck. A big truck...

Kenny, Butters, Clyde and I all walk outisde. And im the first to question it.

"Yo! Whats with the truck??"

Tolkien sighs. "This shit is full of all types of coffee foods. It cost money." He leans in real close. Hes got some good cologne. "A lot of money. I dont appreciate you using me for mon-"

"Hold it right there." I push his face away with my finger. "Im not using you for money. Im just abusing the fact that youre rich."

He blinks. "Thats the same thing."

"No its not."

"...I dont-"

"This is the last time I promise... I just really need to apologize and-"

"Dont you think youre doing this too much? Hes forgiven you at least 50 times."

Kenny clears his throat. "Definitely more than that."

I whip my head over to him and glare. "Shut up Kenny. You stay over there and make out with Butters again."

"...Im aloud to?"

"I-" I sigh and turn back to Tolkien. "Look, you know what I did...."

Tolkien sighs again. "Ignored him for an entire month... I know, you tell me every single time."

I nod. "Thats right. I actually feel bad Tolkien I-"

"Actually want to apologize, yeah- I know! You tell me. Every. Single. TIME."

I roll my eyes at Tolkien. He just doesnt understand. Okay maybe he does understand as Ive told these guys about it so much... But still! This feeling is new to me. Ive never once in my life felt this apologetic. Ive never once in my life felt my heart jump out of my chest looking at... Anyone! Especially not any alien! I want to nip these.. Gay feelings in the bud, but I cant do that unless I stop feeling like I have to say sorry 50 million times before I can live in peace. I just need to apologize one more time... Then I can find a way to stop feeling gay for some weird freaky out of this world alien... Pun intended... Without ignoring him for a full month and causing him to go through some freakish withdrawal symptoms that make him grow at least 7 feet tall and make him scratch his skin to the point of bleeding, which is pink for Norans. Ugh I need to-to-to...

"Craig. Craig are you there? You just made like 8 facial expressions in 30 seconds."

I look at Tolkien. "You were counting?"

"No Kenny was."

Kenny bats his eyelashes. "Just counting the seconds til I get to kiss Butters again!"

Butters rubs his knuckles together. "Kenny... Not funny..."

"It was very funny. Laugh. Youre not laughing. Butters. Leo. Buttercup. Laugh. It was funny. Youre still not laughing-"

"Bfft-Stop it!"

Ugh just get married already and stop flirting in front of my house!

Jesus christ okay... I groan at the middle school couple in back of the bus and turn to the truck.

"Ill take it. Clyde stop trying to gey away."

"YOU KNOW WHAT IM DEALING WITH"

I turn to Tolkien "Ill take it." I say again.

-♡¿♡-

This is like a fucking date... Its been like this the last.... What 3 times?

(The last 30 times)

Yeah 3.

The sun is going down and km sitting on a hill on top of a blanket with coffee snacks and drinks on it. To top it all off im a bowtie because Tolkien felt like I should look formal for this "non-date". We're gonna do something I like to do this time... Watch the stars. The stars are really pretty so itll be a really big apology this time. Yeah itll be great.

I look to my left and see Tweek making his way up here. I feel my face get hot and as I wip my head away from him I fan my self with my hand. I have to remind myself that hes an alien. Hes an alien. I guess I can be gay but not for an alien.

"Craig! I-I came here like you said! I was scared I got the wrong place and I-" He stops once he realizes what hes looking at. "Whats all this stuff for?"

I stand up and take a deep breath. "Tweek...." He eyes go wide. "Im so sorry for what I di-"

"STTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"

I immediately stop everything im doing. Yes that includes breathing.

"....Oh god ive apologized so much you dont want to accept it anymore-"

"NO!!" He closes his eyes tight and grips his hair. "Stop saying sorry Craig! Stop apologizing!! Im sick and tired! Its too overwhelming to have someone apologizing to you 5 hundred and fifty seven times!!"

"...Youve been counting??"

"YES!" He puts his hands on his face. "You never EVER say sorry! You find it hard to say sorry to ANYONE I CANT EVEN TELL IF YOURE YOU ANYMORE!!!"

"Im sorry!"

"CRAIG!"

"SHIT SORRY- Damnit!"

"Can you PLEASE take this seriously!!!"

"I am taking it seriously!!"

"YOURE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME YOU KEEP APOLOGIZING I CANT EVEN-"

"WELL ITS NOT MY FAULT I HAVE THESE STUPID FEELINGS FOR YOU!!!"

It goes silent.

Tweek starts fiddling with his fingers. "Wh-what?"

Wait... I didnt just-

Shit.