Dheere Dheere Se

Opening up

Paridhi's POV:

"How about this?" I showed Rishabh another picture of a hill station trying to plan our first anniversary. He was pretty stressed with all the work load and took work from home for a few days. Stress was amendant on this face and I wanted to take it all away. We both needed to have a break from all this work drama.

"Pari. Me busy hu let's decide that later."
Ugh not again. Here I'm trying to take my husband's attention from that bloody laptop but he's not even paying me attention!

Last night I wore my lacy night suit just to get his attention but he doesn't seem to ever spare me a look.

"Rishabh." I called out and he hummed without looking at me, so I called him again "Rishabh! Look at me."

When he finally looked up I was already fumming with anger "Just tell me what going on? I'm trying to communicate with you I tried giving you space, I tried getting into your space, I even tried to seduce you. I've been doing everything possible from my end to understand you but you don't seem to give me any attention. What is it? Have yih fallen out of love with me? Do you not like me anymore?" I don't know why I added the last part but the bubbled up emotions were overflowing and my insecurities were showing up.

Rishabh jerked from his chair standing in front of me "No Pari! What are you even saying!? How could you even think like that? I love you dammit. You're my wife, my love, my life!" His voice cracked and eyes reflected the genuineness of his words.

"Then what's wrong Rishabh? We are partners, we need to share what's bothering us, we can't just keep pushing the conversation saying we love eachother by bottling up our emotions. Please tell me what's bothering you?" I asked him softly touching his shoulder. What happened to my happy man? 

"Pari? I-" Rishabh took a deep breath before continuing but looking at his worried face I had lost mine. What's happening why's is so worried? I nodded at him giving all my attention "I know I've been acting werid past few days, and no it's not because I don't love you. I love you with my whole heart Pari. You're the only reason im keeping up with all this mess. I ..I didn't take any off from work... i didn't tell you this thinking I'll make you worried too but past 3 months my company has been experiencing a downfall and to compensate that they removed a few employees.. including me. Last whole week I've been searching for a new job but there's no available vacancy I could find. You've been planning our anniversary and trust me, I've been wanting to do something nice, something for just two of us. But I don't have enough money for that. It's not that we don't have savings but Vedika.. she's still studying soon her admission are starting I need to get her the best college. Maa papa have their minor health issues and in all this planning a anniversary.. it .. it isn't ..my priority now. All this villas and hill station you've been showing I genuinely want to take you there. I want to spend all my time and money with you, give you everything you point at and even the things that you don't. I want to give all of you a secured life but I'm failing to do so. Muzhse nahi hora Pari. I'm worried how will everything work out? I need a job! I need to earn. For us for our family.. for the little one.. I'm so sorry Pari. This is not what I wanted it to be like."

I wipped the tears of his cheeks. Rishabh has been overthinking so much, he was dealing with all this thoughts and I was not even aware. I made his sit on the chair and kneeled down taking his hand in mine.

"Shussh. Calm down. Do you need water?" I asked rubbing his hand with my thumb and he nodded a no.

"Rishabh, we are partners. This is not your problem, it's our problem. I've been trying to show you all those grand pictures just to get your attention. You know where I would enjoy the most? Here with you, in your arms. It doesn't matter whether we celebrate or not. I just need you to be with me, that itself it enough. We will figure something out. Vedika's college, maa Papa's health, your job, everything. You don't need to burden yourself with all this."

"No Pari..you don't need to worry about anything. I'm there na me handle kar lunga. This is my responsibility."

"Rishabh, there's no you and me in this, it's us. It's not a big deal, I understand you have lot of responsibilities on your shoulder but I'm here to carry a few for you." I kissed his temple trying to ease his mind.

"I'll talk to papa, he has contacts we can ask him to get you a job somewhere." I suggested.

"No! Pari no. I don't want our parents to know about this. Definitely not your parents. It's to shameful for me to face them when I had promised them to take proper care of you and provide you everything."

"Rishabh! Will you please relax. Stop thinking like this. Being a man doesn't mean you're the sole person who's reasonable for everything. Our parents are not orthodox to even think like that why are you stressing then?"

"It's not about being orthodox Pari. But.. I.. I do feel like I'm not doing enough for y'all. Especially for you-" he took a deep breath again "I'll figure out. We will figure out! But please let's not involve our parents in this. Please." Squishing his hand I assured him, no matter what the situation I would always back Rishabh.